Think Before You Speak

When I was a little girl, and I might have done something "bad", my mother always used to tell me I was naughty. Oh, goodness, if I heard that word once, I heard it a hundred thousand times. I think all children are born innocent and are not inherently naughty, but they do manage to get themselves into trouble by being overly curious, or perhaps imitating what other children are doing. Or perhaps they haven't been taught the difference between right and wrong yet. I don't think my mother meant any harm by saying what she did, but as a child, it was imbedded in my brain. The word "naughty" rang in my ears for many years, and I grew up thinking I was a bad person. I have always felt that I did not deserve all the good things that other people have, and I often describe the feeling as being "outside the candy store, looking inside at everyone else". Inside my heart, I know I am not a bad person, but perhaps rather to the contrary, I might actually be a good person.

My father used to get very upset with my mother at times, and he would take me for a ride in the car and tell me I was very much like his sister Evelyn, whom everyone loved. It would make me feel better about myself -- for a while, anyway. But it has always been a struggle for me, because I know I don't treat people badly, and in my heart I am not "naughty" and I always have good intentions.

Over the past few months, and perhaps couple of years, I have observed some behaviors by other people -- good people -- that have laid me flat with their selfishness and insensitivity. I know they meant no harm, but I have seen people do and say things that I would never do -- things that would be incomprehensible to me. It has made me realize as well, that we are all only human. Sometimes people's behaviors are based on lack of knowledge, or misinformation, or perhaps a misunderstanding of how other people will be affected.

I was having a conversation today with my friend Russell about the theory of "six degrees of separation". It is an interesting theory, and it made me realize how closely we are all connected, and how much everyone's behavior can have repercussions on others. The smallest thing can have a huge effect, and I always try to consider how my behavior, my actions or my speech will affect the people around me. I'm not perfect, but I try very hard not to hurt other people. I think sometimes we have a tendency to be overly critical of ouselves, and maybe sometimes we can realize we're not so bad after all.