Chaos Rained ... Reigned ...

The Key
Jackson Pollock

Have you ever had one of those days, where you're certain the stars and planets are aligned just so, and chaos is reigning over your life?  And just when you think it can't get any worse ... it does?  Let me tell you about my day.  It started with a Pacific storm blowing through our city and dumping several inches of rain -- as if we could use any more.  Where does it all come from?  This morning as I was leaving for work, I slipped in a huge pile of wet, soggy, slippery leaves and ended up in a pool of water.  A very nice passerby helped me up, and I carried on to work.  When I got to the office, I was covered with mud all down the right side of my body, my canvas tote bag was full of water and leaves, and my leather gloves were ruined.  Oh, goodness...

My bag and gloves were not salvageable, so I tossed them into the garbage, but my wallet was okay, so I was able to retrieve it.  After working for a couple of hours, it became apparent that my pants were torn, and were quickly deteriorating.  It was a quiet day in the office, so folks suggested I should take the afternoon off and recover.  Okay...  Fine with me.

On my way home I decided to make a quick detour downtown to get a new tote bag and leather gloves.  I caught the bus, but just as we pulled away from the stop, someone threw up in the back seat, and the transit biohazard cleanup crew was called.  Well, I wasn't sticking around for that, so I got off the bus and hopped into a cab that was waiting at a taxi stand across the street.  I told the driver my destination -- a main intersection in downtown Vancouver -- but he ended up taking me six blocks out of my way.

"You're not anywhere near where I want to go!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I got lost..."

We're in downtown Vancouver for crying out loud.  How could he get lost?  He's a taxi driver...!  *sigh*

Well, I eventually made my way back to my desination and found the perfect leather gloves and a new tote bag -- on sale.  By then I didn't feel like dealing with more buses, so I flagged a taxi home.  This was starting to get expensive, but I got the gloves and tote bag for a good price so I thought ... what the heck.  On the way home, I asked the driver to stop at a convenience store a couple of blocks from my house so I could pick up some clothes washing detergent to wash my muddied, soiled, wet, soggy clothes.  As I reached into my wallet to pay the clerk, I realized I didn't have my keys.  I was two blocks from home and I had no way to get into my apartment.  So near and yet so far...  Yes, my keys were in my tote bag ... back at the office ... in the garbage.  It was now 2:00 in the afternoon, and that garbage bin was not going to be a pretty sight.

The taxi driver took me the 14 blocks back to my office and waited for me as I rooted around retrieved my keys from underneath the coffee grounds and dozen or so disgusting discarded lunch remains in the trash.

Where are the transit biohazard folks when I need them?

Finally ... I was on my way home, feeling very fragile.  I gave the driver my address and I realized he was taking me several blocks past my house.  He was most apologetic for his error.

"I'll turn the meter off!  I'll turn the meter off!"

"Please do."

When I got home and locked the door behind me, I understood how people can very easily develop agoraphobia.  For just a moment I vowed never to step outside again.  Just as I was taking off my coat, the phone rang.  It was a wrong number.

"Is this Alcoholic's Anonymous?" a slurred voice enquired.

Not yet, but give me a few days...