There's nothing in the world I find more intolerable than passive-aggressive behaviour and, unfortunately, I have a co-worker who can write a thesis on passive-aggression. The same individual also has somewhat of a "princess" complex, and I think these two traits are mutually inclusive. The world must revolve around her or she will be offended. Full stop. The problem is, no one ever knows how or why she is offended. We just know she is. Believe me. We know. Icicles form in the air.
Often I will be engage my co-worker in conversation about something work-related, only to be met with silence. No response at all. So I will repeat myself, and receive the reply,
"I heard you the first time."
To me, those are the six most disrespectful words ever spoken. And the speaker knows it. The passive-aggressive treatment is filled with contempt and is contemptible.
Anyone who pulls the silent treatment routine must physically feel like crap when they're doing it. It feels poisonous. But I suppose it must also give them a feeling of superiority, as if they have control of the situation, which of course they do. They always get their own way. Being around a passive-aggressive individual is to be constantly anxious and walking on tenterhooks. It makes everyone around the passive-aggressive individual feel inferior, as if we must always be in deference to her. Being on the receiving end of passive-aggression is exhausting.
Passive-aggression is the worst type of aggression there is. It's fighting dirty. There is no remedy for it -- no recourse. It creates a hostile environment for everyone around the passive-aggressive individual. The passive-aggressor demoralizes everyone else, while trying to look superior. It always works. I detest it.
Our passive-aggressive co-worker has gone on an extended vacation, and the first thing everyone noticed today was how wonderful the atmosphere in the office was without her there. Everyone felt as if they could just be themselves. Our passive aggressive co-worker has gone away, and we're the ones having a holiday.
enjoy it while you can. I grew up with a p/a mother and sister and you described it perfectly. I always felt demoralized, defeated, and worthless. It's a hard one to get around.
ReplyDeleteThe obvious question is: Has anyone ever confronted her, in a nice but firm way? If everyone she offends does that, she just might get the point.
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me that it's a lot like dealing with a child. Carrots and sticks are great teaching tools. Even if they don't work, all of you might at least feel better that you are standing up to her.
All of you need to form a pact to actively ignore this person, what they crave is your attention, if you all act as if they were not there it would be a triumph. Pretend she's still on vacation once she comes back.
ReplyDeleteI had a coworker like that. It was one of the reasons I quit my job.
ReplyDeleteParty on Jo
ReplyDeleteIsn't it interesting how one person can completely ruin a working environment? Make the most of your break!
ReplyDeleteIs she as bad as the black widow spider? If she's your equal, and not a manager, you should all ignore her. Don't engage her in any conversation that isn't necessary. She thrives on making others look small in order to inflate herself.
ReplyDeleteNobody can stand people like this. How horrible some people can be.
I doubt if you confronted her (even nicely, but firmly) she would 'get it'. I also worked with a p/a but he was also a liar. Part of his technique was to withhold part of the information you needed to know, then swear up and down that he told you everything. He never understood why you were upset.
ReplyDeleteLove the someecards :)
This is why God invented the F-word.
ReplyDeleteTry it some time you may like the results.