Pretty Baby

This evening I watched a show that was so creepy and disturbing, I have trouble even writing about it. The show was called "Toddlers and Tiaras" and it was about child beauty pageants. Now, before I go any further, let me say I hope I am not offending anyone whose child participates in these pageants. They seem to be acceptable to a large group of people -- parents mostly. The children participating in these things seem to be doing it mostly to please their parents, and also because small children don't know any better. They trust the big people in their lives. They actually have professional coaches who teach these children how to pose, wink, wiggle their hips and generally strut their stuff. In other words, there are grownups out there who teach these children how to sexualize themselves.

"Hair-do" and "makeup" are two words that should never be used in reference to a two year-old. But these little tads, starting from the age of six months, or even younger, are being squeezed into sequined miniature replicas of adult ball gowns and hair extensions, and hair spray is lacquered onto their back-combed hair. They are painted up with false eyelashes, lipstick, rouge, eyeshadow, eyeliner and spray-on tans. And then they are being forced out onto a stage to perform for the adults who are judging them.

"Smile for the judges, honey, and look right into their eyes when you do it."

Is this nonsense really legal, and if so, why? You have to go a very long way to find anything creepier than this. There was a film several years ago called "Pretty Baby" starring Brooke Shields, playing a 12 year-old prostitute named Violet. Violet became the object of fascination and affection of a much older photographer. Violet was eventually auctioned off to the highest bidder. She had become nothing more than a beautiful object, and she was robbed of her childhood.

The little girls in these pageants are being taught to compete with each other on the basis of artificial beauty. There is nothing natural about them. Not one thing. What kind of lesson is that for a six year-old?

Looking at these pictures disturbs me. To me, they don't look pretty; they look revolting. I would like to wash their faces, comb their hair and send them out to play in the back yard.

Red Sky In The Morning ... A Sailors Warning

My blog is not a photography blog, but I snapped this picture from my treehouse this morning, and I just had to share it with you. The sunrise looked as though the sky were on fire. I can feel spring in the air here in Vancouver. It's still cold, but the seagulls are coming to life, I can smell the ocean, and the squeaky gate birds are --- squeaking.

We have a family of skunks living under the trees around my treehouse, and last night they give birth to a litter of kittens. Pieeeuuuwww! There is nothing cuter, or stinkier than a skunk. A few years ago I was standing outside my building waiting for a friend to pick me up, and I felt a cat brushing around my ankles. I reached down to pet it and saw it was a skunk. I slowly backed away ... and it waddled off down the street.

Soon the raccoon family will park itself in the trees and wait for the crows to lay their eggs. The crows squawk and dive-bomb the raccoons, but the raccoons sit patiently waiting, smiling out at the world like the Cheshire cat in Alice in Wonderland. They love crow's eggs and they have all the time in the world.

This is my favorite time of the year, when the world starts to wake up from it's winter sleep.

The Troll Under The Bridge

When I was a little girl in elementary school, I used to walk about six blocks to get to school. In those days, children were considered old enough to walk to school on their own without fear of being kidnapped. We were not allowed to walk along the shortcut by the railroad tracks, however, because there was a real danger from trains ... but we did it anyway. On our route was a small railway trestle and nestled just underneath it was an old shack. It had once been a nice little cabin of some sort, but now it was shabby and in disrepair. Inside the shack under the trestle lived a troll ... yes, a real, live troll. If the children got too near his house as they passed by, he ran out and shook his fist at them, "Stay away from my house you little mudrats, or I'll have you for dinner!"

Our troll's name was Digby, and occasionally we would see Digby walking along the sidewalks of our town. He would shuffle along, leering at people as he walked by. I realized years later that this was Digby's attempt at a smile. He was trying to be pleasant to the people in town.

When I was older, my father told me the story of Digby. He had come from a very upper class British family, but he had been the so-called "black sheep" of the family, so his family sent him away to Canada.

Canada seemed to be the depository for many of the black sheep of English upper class families, and often these folks went on to make their fortunes here, becoming well-known artists, entepreneurs, lawyers and judges and famous writers. One of my father's best friends was a very well-known writer. He had been caught smoking and drinking and was expelled from the tony Charterhouse School where his father had been the headmaster. He found his way to Canada where he became a teacher, a prolific writer and a magistrate.

So it seems that old Digby, the troll under the bridge, had been born with a "silver spoon in his mouth", but he had made a wrong turn somewhere in his life, and he ended up living in a shack under a bridge. My father told me that Digby's family in England continued to support him quite generously, and there was no need for him to live in a shack under a bridge. I think he enjoyed it, though. He loved frightening the children as we walked by. For him it was a game and years later we still remember old Digby -- the troll under the bridge.

Consider The Birds Of The Air...

I live in what is basically a tree house, and from my vantage point I am able to watch the animals outside, racoons, skunks (yes) squirrels, crows, Steller's jays, and all sorts of other birds. It's amazing how they react with each other. I watch them playing, fighting, making love, and doing all the things that we humans take for granted in the human world. Some of the animals have distinct traits and personalities. My daughter recently told me she watched a crow put a walnut in the middle of the road so the cars would run over it and he could eat the nut inside. I have watched crows scoop a clam from the sand, fly up into the sky and drop the clam on the pavement so it will break open.

Today I received an e-mail from my cousin, with some photographs attached, and I wanted to share them with you, if you have not already seen them (which you probably have ... I am always the last to see these things).

Here in the first picture, a female barn swallow is injured and the condition is fatal. She was hit by a car as she swooped low across the road.


Her mate brought her food and attended to her with love and compassion.

He brought her food again but was shocked to find her dead. He tried to move her ... a rarely-seen effort for swallows.

Aware that his sweetheart is dead and will never come back to him again, he cries with adoring love. Barn swallows mate for life, as do many other species of birds, including swans.

He stood beside her, saddened of her death. Finally aware that she would never return to him, he stood beside her body with sadness and sorrow.

He stands vigil to his lost companion.

Apparently these photographs were taken in the Ukraine, and the photographer sold the pictures for a nominal fee to a newspaper in France. All copies of that newspaper were sold out on the day these pictures were published.

Human beings, with our ethnocentricity, believe we are superior to the animals with whom we share this earth, but I believe we are not. Most animals don't foul their own nests or their habitats, but consider what a mess we humans have made of them. Animals have much to teach us, if only we would open our eyes and hearts to learn.

Jessica Simpson ... Fat ...!?

Here is a trick question for you. Which of these women looks healthy? Who does not? Take your time, there is no rush ...

There has been a whole lot of furor lately ... (don't you just love that word ... furor ... a: furious or hectic activity b: an outburst of public excitement or indignation) ... about Jessica Simpson's weight gain. What am I missing? I think she looks healthy, curvaceous and feminine. The woman in the middle looks as if she has been very ill for a long time. The gold standard for feminine beauty was -- and still is -- Marilyn Monroe. The standard for beauty now seems to be Keira Knightley, and every woman is starving herself to look like that. Why? How did that happen? Is that what men like?

I watched a TV documentary recently about a 28 year-old woman who undertook an experiment in starving herself and over-exercising, to see how she would feel, and how it affected her skin, hair and internal organs. In just four weeks she made herself extremely ill and her doctor was concerned. Her skin became sallow and her hair started to fall out. Her fingernails cracked and split. Her internal organs worked at less than capacity. Her doctor told her if she did not stop, the damage would be irreversible. It took six weeks to get her health back. During the time of her experiment she was tired, listless, bad tempered and generally out of sorts with everyone.

I fail to see the beauty in the picture of the woman in the middle photograph (Keira Knightley) but the beauty of Marilyn Monroe and Jessica Simpson is obvious. I hope Jessica Simpson does not starve herself back to improbable proportions. Perhaps she might even set a new gold standard for women everywhere, by retaining her feminine curves, glowing skin and shiny hair.

Stuff White People Like

I found a wonderful blog the other day called “Stuff White People Like” and I laughed when I read the list. Oh, goodness, yes. White people are earnest, yes we are. We are terribly, terribly earnest. I think it may be a hangover from the hippie days, when everyone was earnest about everything. One of the expressions in the 1970s was “What’s your bag?” which basically meant, “What’s your thing?” What are you fanatical about? Everybody had something. Vancouver was full of people with a “cause”. They usually smoked a lot of dope and drove Volkswagen buses. Greenpeace was founded in Vancouver by a couple of hippies named Bob Hunter and Patrick Moore, together with some of their friends. Very earnest, indeed. The Rainbow Warrior was officially the first hippie boat. She was sunk in New Zealand in 1985 by the French Intelligence Service.

So as I scrolled down this list, all I could think was, “This describes almost everyone I know in Vancouver”, except for No. 75, of course, because we’re already here. And number 54? Oh, yes, there are more kitchen gadget stores here in Vancouver than there are Starbucks.

So, here is the list of Stuff White People Like.

#120 Taking a Year Off
#119 Sea Salt
#118 Ugly Sweater Parties
#117 Political Prisoners
#116 Black Music that Black People Don’t Listen to Anymore
#115 Promising to Learn a New Language
#114 America
#113 Halloween
#112 Hummus
#111 Pea Coats
#110 Frisbee Sports
#109 The Onion
#108 Appearing to Enjoy Classical Music
#107 Self Aware Hip Hop References
#106 Facebook
#105 Unpaid Internships
#104 Girls with Bangs
#103 Sweaters
#102 Children’s Games as Adults
#101 Being Offended
#100 Bumper Stickers
#99 Grammar
#98 The Ivy League
#97 Scarves
#96 New Balance Shoes
#95 Rugby
#94 Free Healthcare
#93 Music Piracy
#92 Book Deals
#91 San Francisco
#90 Dinner Parties
#89 St. Patrick’s Day
#88 Having Gay Friends
#87 Outdoor Performance Clothes
#86 Shorts
#85 The Wire
#84 T-Shirts
#83 Bad Memories of High School
#82 Hating Corporations
#81 Graduate School
#80 The Idea of Soccer
#79 Modern Furniture
#78 Multilingual Children
#77 Musical Comedy
#76 Bottles of Water
#75 Threatening to Move to Canada
#74 Oscar Parties
#73 Gentrification
#72 Study Abroad
#71 Being the only white person around
#70 Difficult Breakups
#69 Mos Def
#68 Michel Gondry
#67 Standing Still at Concerts
#66 Divorce
#65 Co-Ed Sports
#64 Recycling
#63 Expensive Sandwiches
#62 Knowing What’s Best for Poor People
#61 Bicycles
#60 Toyota Prius
#59 Natural Medicine
#58 Japan
#57 Juno
#56 Lawyers
#55 Apologies
#54 Kitchen Gadgets
#53 Dogs
#52 Sarah Silverman
#51 Living by the Water
#50 Irony
#49 Vintage
#48 Whole Foods and Grocery Co-ops
#47 Arts Degrees
#46 The Sunday New York Times
#45 Asian Fusion Food
#44 Public Radio
#43 Plays
#42 Sushi
#41 Indie Music
#40 Apple Products
#39 Netflix
#38 Arrested Development
#37 Renovations
#36 Breakfast Places
#35 The Daily Show/Colbert Report
#34 Architecture
#33 Marijuana
#32 Vegan/Vegetarianism
#31 Snowboarding
#30 Wrigley Field
#29 80s Night
#28 Not having a TV
#27 Marathons
#26 Manhattan (now Brooklyn too!)
#25 David Sedaris
#24 Wine
#23 Microbreweries
#22 Having Two Last Names
#21 Writers Workshops
#20 Being an expert on YOUR culture
#19 Traveling
#18 Awareness
#17 Hating their Parents
#16 Gifted Children
#15 Yoga
#14 Having Black Friends
#13 Tea
#12 Non-Profit Organizations
#11 Asian Girls
#10 Wes Anderson Movies
#9 Making you feel bad about not going outside
#8 Barack Obama
#7 Diversity
#6 Organic Food
#5 Farmer’s Markets
#4 Assists
#3 Film Festivals
#2 Religions their parents don’t belong to
#1 Coffee

The Law of Probability

Childen at the Dice Game
Bartolomé Esteban Murillo
1670

Probability is the likelihood or chance that something is the case, or that an event will occur. Probability theory is used extensively in such areas of study as mathematics, statistics, finance, gambling, science, and philosophy to draw conclusions about the likelihood of potential events and the underlying mechanics of complex systems ... and my life. If I find something I like such as a shampoo or a toothpaste or vacuum cleaner and I go back to buy another one, I find that particular brand is not being made anymore. Or, if on the odd occasion I may be saying something about someone that I don't wish them to hear, I will turn around to find them standing right behind me. Oh, yes ... we've all been there.

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the impossibility of the reach.

Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Law of Gym Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctor' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor; by the time you get there you'll feel better.

Rock On...!

I have managed to catch a bit of a cold and I haven't been doing much blogging in the past couple of days. I would like to curl up in a corner somewhere with a good book, a box of Kleenex, a hot toddy with lots of lemon, and perhaps copious amounts of chocolate. In the meantime, here is a video I just discovered yesterday when someone sent it to me. I'm probably the last person in the entire Solar System to have seen it, but I never get tired of watching it.

This little fellow has moves!

100 Weird Facts About the Human Body

Woman with a Guitar
Picasso
1913

I have always been interested in fascinating facts and figures. (How's that for alliteration?) Anyway, I came across this website the other night that listed 100 weird facts about the human body, and I started reading it. Several times I heard myself saying, "Eeeiiiuuww...!" For instance, did you know the human heart has enough pressure to squirt blood 30 feet? Or the acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades?

I hope the text size is large enough for you to read it. If you click on the downward arrow second from the right, you can enlarge the text. Enjoy! It's very interesting.
100 Weird Facts About the Human Body

Publish at Scribd or explore others: Uncategorizable-Unca Reference

Triple XXX Rated English Village

These are genuine clips from complaint letters to the council of an English village. Isn't it wonderful how others put their thoughts into words?

1. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday, and now she is pregnant.

2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

3. It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow.

4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle, very badly, when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

10. My bush is really overgrown round the front, and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

15. Will you please send a man to look at my water; it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

16. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

17. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.

18. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

19. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

20. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

21. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

22. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times, but I still have no satisfaction.

23. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.