Sunday, January 10, 2010

Delicate Embarrassment

Delicate Embarrassment
George Morland

Did you ever have one of those days that just seem to go from bad to worse as the day goes on? Thursday was one of those days for me. It all started when I got up in the morning and discovered that my refrigerator had shut down during the night. Luckily I managed to salvage the food and store it in a neighbor's refrigerator. Of course, I was late for work, so I rushed off in a taxi, jumped out of the cab, dashed across the street and tripped. In slow motion I could feel myself falling forward, and then I heard -- and felt -- an audible pop in my back. It was the most incredible pain I had ever felt, and I had visions of fainting in the middle of the street and being run over by oncoming traffic. I managed to pull myself together, a little shakey but no worse for the wear. Once I sat down at my desk, the pain subsided.

For lunch I had a bean and corn burrito. I never eat bean and corn burritos, but for some reason I decided that would be the day to have one.

*sigh*

The workday was more hectic than usual, and at around 3:00 in the afternoon I took a break and went into the coffee room, which I was pleased to find I had all to myself. I had a cold drink and sat quietly doing the crossword puzzle. I find crossword puzzles calming, and I could feel myself becoming relaxed. However, my body had other ideas, and it decided to involuntarily emit -- ever so delicately, mind you -- what my daughter used to call a "bum burp". Oh, come on now, don't tell me this has never happened to you. We're all human beings, right? Sometimes our bodies have a mind of their own whether we like it or not. Anyway, just at that moment my boss walked into the room to fill his glass from the water cooler. Seeing me on my own reading the paper, he decided to engage me in conversation.

"Did you have a nice Christmas? What did you get for Christmas? Belated Happy Birthday...! I heard you telling someone you got a crock pot and you were really excited to try it out. I have one too. I have a wonderful recipe for ... blah, blah, blah ..."

I sat there silently praying for the floor to open up and swallow me ... right away. After what seemed like an eternity, my boss left me in peace to finish my crossword. I looked down at the next clue ... 14 across ... "Emit air".

They could hear me laughing on the other side of the office. God has a sense of humor.

34 comments:

PurestGreen said...

Ah, to be human. You have just given me a reminder not to take the soup containing cabbage for lunch at work tomorrow! I shall leave it for dinner, when I have the house to myself.

*smile*

The Panorama said...

Ha ha ha, poor you, Jo!!But sure it happens to me all the time. Certain foods are a "bomb", waiting to explode at the most inopportune moment:)

Mary Anne Gruen said...

God most definitely has a sense of humor. I'm sorry you had such a bad day! It really was one thing after another.

I don't know if this will improve things, but I've given you a Blog Award over at http://StarlightBlog.com

Don't worry if you don't have the time to do the whole award thingy. It's mostly in acknowledgement of your great blog.

Alissa said...

This reminds me of the day when my horoscope was dead-on accurate. I had come down with a stomach bug and my horoscope warned me to watch out for explosions that day!

kenju said...

That is priceless!!

Nancy said...

This post was hilarious! I like her term "bum burp".

jojo said...

oh my! I don't know whether to laugh or cry...;p

Bonnie, Original Art Studio said...

Well you certainly emit humour.

Hope your back has recovered from the fall .... I'm sure your digestive tract has from the burrito!

Be well.

houndstooth said...

Bwaaaaa ha ha ha! I will be sure to use "bum burp" at work this week when I go back to school! I'm sorry that you were the butt of God's joke this time, but next time it should be somebody else!

ρομπερτ said...

It was just yesterday that I started the year all anew, so let me wish you a happy New Year as well and a wonderful start into the new week, filled with much joy and happiness.
Just the night before the first vaccination of my son was due, the fridge did stop to work and because the med. had to be kept cold, we called parents at 02.30 and made them drive over to get the vacc. until a few hours later.
Strange indeed the behaviour of refridgerators all over the world.

Cedar said...

From here in Seattle:

Oh, was that you?

Jennifer D said...

I have been hearing from many friends and family that they are having strings of bad things happen to them. Days going from bad to worse seems to be an epidemic lately. I was told it had something to do with Mercury in retrograde. I wonder if there is any truth to that?

Alicia said...

Oh gosh, how funny. I mean, not the part about your fridge, which I hope was repaired & didn't cost you an arm and a leg. And not the part about you falling, I hope you're ok and didn't suffer any pain or soreness afterwards. But the burrito part...lol. I thought that only happened to me. Thanks for sharing!

Brenda said...

This was a very funny post, except for the part of you falling! Not funny. I sure hope you don't have any after effects from it. Some times weeks or months later we find out we really did do some damage.
I think you should have blamed it on your boss.

Brenda said...

The gas I meant....not the fall. Oh hell...blame the fall on him or her also.

Carol E. said...

Fabulous. I'm glad it ended in laughter.
My blog template is from 'thecutestblogontheblock dot com'. They're free.

Kathryn said...

Hi Jo.
In order:
I'm sorry about your fridge, sorrier about your fall, mildly jealous about your burrito, and greatly amused at the BB. BB's are normal, healthy occurences, but we hesitate to let them happen in the workplace. That being said, the fibre orchestra is one heard and applauded frequently in our home. Wind instruments and percussion are the specialty. Maturity is not.

Nicole said...

Oh Jo...I'm sorry about your day and that fall! Ouch! At least you could end it with a laugh which is the best way to deal with those things.

white crow said...

'it wants to break free' :))

Amy said...

Jo, Yikes, you did have a "bum" day! My refrigerator decided to die a few months ago just two days before our whole family was to arrive for a visit. It lived for 24 years - you'd think it could have waited and petered out when all was dull and quiet around here.

We were able to replace the relic, but it would be hard to replicate your story!

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I hope your back is okay! Beans, huh? What goes in must come out, you know. Bum burp, I like that. I have always called it bubbling.....

Elizabeth Bradley said...

That's funny stuff.

Firefly said...

I am having such a laugh. Now imagine how your boss felt. Maybe he felt embarrased hearing "it" but felt he couldn't just walk out cause it may be too obvious. Ha ha ha...

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I suspect he didn't hear anything or he wouldn't have engaged you in conversation to spare you embarrassment unless he's a sadist.

Is your back ok now?

God does have a sense of humor for sure.

Sorcerer said...

haha..that was a hilarious read

Carl said...

It is good to be able to laugh at ourselves. You are a good sport for telling tale. I might have lived thru the moment... but doubt I could write about it later.

CS

white crow said...

who is george morland?

The Bug said...

Thanks for the most excellent laugh this Monday morning Jo!

Hopefully your back doesn't turn into anything - I had a time at work a few years ago where I tried to lift something heavy (I swear I was bending my knees & everything) & something in my back popped. Excruciating - nauseating - about to pass out ouch! I went back to my desk & as the day progressed the pain eased & has never bothered me since. Thank goodness because lord knows I have enough going on without it!

Brenda's Arizona said...

How is your back? I, too, fell. Wrist in cast for 6 weeks yet to come... Bum burp? Yikes, run for the hills! Be well!!!

Kitty Moore said...

I too have done the odd 'bum burp'...hope your back is ok!

Kitty x

Charles Gramlich said...

Ouch, sounds like a bad day indeed. My sympathies and wishes for things to get better.

Carla said...

What a day! And better to laugh than cry. The part about the "bum burp" is funny! But I hope your back is okay.

A.M. said...

You just made me laugh so hard! Who walked in J.J or K.E OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!! I'm glad you were able to get through the conversation lol I would have passed out from embarrassment.

Paula Slade said...

LOL! What a day! ;-D