Did you ever have one of those days that just seem to go from bad to worse as the day goes on? Thursday was one of those days for me. It all started when I got up in the morning and discovered that my refrigerator had shut down during the night. Luckily I managed to salvage the food and store it in a neighbor's refrigerator. Of course, I was late for work, so I rushed off in a taxi, jumped out of the cab, dashed across the street and tripped. In slow motion I could feel myself falling forward, and then I heard -- and felt -- an audible pop in my back. It was the most incredible pain I had ever felt, and I had visions of fainting in the middle of the street and being run over by oncoming traffic. I managed to pull myself together, a little shakey but no worse for the wear. Once I sat down at my desk, the pain subsided.
For lunch I had a bean and corn burrito. I never eat bean and corn burritos, but for some reason I decided that would be the day to have one.
The workday was more hectic than usual, and at around 3:00 in the afternoon I took a break and went into the coffee room, which I was pleased to find I had all to myself. I had a cold drink and sat quietly doing the crossword puzzle. I find crossword puzzles calming, and I could feel myself becoming relaxed. However, my body had other ideas, and it decided to involuntarily emit -- ever so delicately, mind you -- what my daughter used to call a "bum burp". Oh, come on now, don't tell me this has never happened to you. We're all human beings, right? Sometimes our bodies have a mind of their own whether we like it or not. Anyway, just at that moment my boss walked into the room to fill his glass from the water cooler. Seeing me on my own reading the paper, he decided to engage me in conversation.
"Did you have a nice Christmas? What did you get for Christmas? Belated Happy Birthday...! I heard you telling someone you got a crock pot and you were really excited to try it out. I have one too. I have a wonderful recipe for ... blah, blah, blah ..."
I sat there silently praying for the floor to open up and swallow me ... right away. After what seemed like an eternity, my boss left me in peace to finish my crossword. I looked down at the next clue ... 14 across ... "Emit air".
They could hear me laughing on the other side of the office. God has a sense of humor.