The Divorce Ceremony...

The Japanese have an interesting culture ~~ very different from ours. In many ways, it's pragmatic, minimalistic and rather sensible. When things go wrong in their lives, they learn to cope in practical ways, and they don't seem to be encumbered with the emotional baggage that we in the West carry with us.  Many of the decisions we make are impeded with feelings of guilt, responsibility, duty, the desire for a lifestyle that we are told we should want, when in fact many of us don't want it.  You know the drill ~~ marriage, a house, two cars, 2.5 children, all the best appliances ~~ a guilded nest.  The nest becomes our life and then for some of us it becomes our prison.

When I was married, I was not happy being married.  To me, it felt as if I were trying to squeeze my feet into someone else's shoes.  They were painful, and they did not fit.  I admire people who have happy and successful marriages, but I often look at them and wonder, "Are they really, honestly happy, or have they made a huge compromise?"

According to a recent article in The Huffington Post, 50% of all marriages fail.  Of the 50% that remain, 25% of those are unhappy, leaving 25% as satisfactory.  That means, three-quarters of all the married folks out there would rather be somewhere else.  Somehow, that doesn't surprise me. The author of the article suggests, "Specifically, take an honest look at your marriage as it exists today. With your partner, confront whether you want it to continue. That is, your aim is to clarify whether you want to stay with this person for the rest of your life." It takes a lot of courage to walk away.

The Japanese have an answer for that ~~ a divorce ceremony.  The inventor of the ceremony, Hiroki Terai explains, “I started this ceremony...thinking that there should be a positive way to end a marriage and move on by making a vow to restart (a couple’s) lives in front of loved ones.” Terai officiates the ritual. He thanks the witnesses for coming, explains how the couple has grown apart, and acknowledges that it is time for the husband and wife to say farewell. Then, the couple continues to act out the end of the marriage.

•While jointly holding a hammer, the husband and wife pound the wife's wedding ring until it is beyond repair.
•There is a divorce reception after the ring-smashing ceremony, where the couple sits back-to-back at separate tables.
•After the large feast or small meal, the couple thanks their friends for coming and says farewell to each other.
•Each spouse bows toward the other and walks off to begin his or her separate life.

A divorce is like a death.  There is a certain amount of grieving that needs to take place, and then folks need to move on.  What better way to do it than with a ceremony finalizing that chapter of their lives?  We all want to believe in the "dream", but for some people it just doesn't work, and no one should be made to feel guilty.  Trust the Japanese to come up with a civilized solution.

Summer Breeze, Make Me Feel Fine...

This is English Bay in Vancouver, just moments ago. Does it get any more beautiful than that?  This evening after work, I headed straight for the beach and had a hot dog and an ice cream cone for dinner. (That covers all the main food groups, doesn't it?  Protein, starch, vegs and dairy.  Come on, humour me ~~ I'm trying to convince myself.)

English Bay is a magical place, the jewel around which Vancouver is built.  I have swum in English Bay, I have sailed on it, and I have even rowed a row boat on it, and I never get tired of it, and it never ceases to amaze me with its beauty.

Of course, this being Vancouver, it will probably rain tomorrow but even in stormy weather, English Bay is wonderful.

Summer In The City...

On days like this, I am so happy to be living in my little tree house by the sea. I can feel the ocean breezes and listen to the seagulls telling each other jokes. And then they laugh and laugh.  This part of Vancouver has always been my favourite neighbourhood.  It very much has a seaside flavour to it.  In the 1960s Kitsilano was taken over by the "hippies" and they preseved all of the older buildings, so that developers could not come in and tear them down in order to build highrises.

When I was a little girl, my Uncle Fred and Aunt Coleta lived in this house, which is close to where I live now.  In the evenings after dinner, Uncle Fred and Aunt Coleta would take me for walks through the neighbourhood and we would always end up at my favourite ice cream stand on Kitsilano Beach.  Uncle Fred would always ask me what flavour I would like, and I always said vanilla.  It's still my favourite.  The ice cream stand is no longer there, but thankfully the house still is, and it has been restored to its original grandeur.  I always thought the house was very grand when I was a little girl, and I still do.

The houses in Kitsilano are famous for their English Country gardens, and most of them don't stop at the front yard. On my walk yesterday, I chuckled at this wonderful clematis growing around a telephone pole. Most of the intersections have circular traffic calmers, and folks have gardening contests to see which traffic calmer can have the most beautiful garden. You will see everything from wild grasses to hollyhocks and roses at every intersection.  They give the whole neighbourhood a feeling of being in a wonderful park.

We can sometimes have long, wet, dreary winters here in Vancouver, but when summer hits, its hits with a bang.  There is fairly low humidity, so the air feels comfortable.  It's the best place to be.

Now I am going to sit in my Adirondack chairs and have a Long Island iced tea, and listen to the seagulls telling jokes.

Cheers!

Happy Canada Day, Eh...?

I may be just slightly biased, but I think Canada is the greatest country in the world in which to live. Well, apparently the United Nations Human Development Index agrees with me, and says that Canada has the highest quality of life in the world. Well ... I knew that. Around the world, we are known as that little country just north of That Other Big Country across the border, but I'll bet there are a lot of things about Canada that you didn't know. Right? Well, here are a few little facts about Canada that just might surprise you:

1.  Canada is the largest exporter of total petroleum to the United States.

2.  Crude Oil Imports by the U.S. (Thousand Barrels per Day).  Year to date so far in 2001:
Canada         2142
Saudi Arabia 1102
Mexico         1097
Venezuela       923

3. Canada is the second largest country in the world at 9,984,670 square kilometers. Russia is the largest at 17,075,200 square kilometres.

4. Canada has over two million lakes and the most fresh water of any country in the world.

5. Albert Einstein once lived in a small town called Canwood Saskatchewan for a short period of time so he could have some solitude, and he played goalie for the Canwood Canucks hockey team. He had played hockey in his younger years in Germany.

6. The Trans-Canada Highway is over 7604 kilometres in length and is the longest national highway in the entire world.

7. Canada has the ninth biggest economy of the world and is the world's eighth biggest trader.

8. Canada is the home of many great inventions, including: basketball, the electric light bulb, ice hockey, the baseball glove, the electric range, the electron microscope, insulin, standard time, the television, the telephone, Trivial Pursuit and the zipper. Oh, and botox.

9. Canada has the world's highest tertiary education enrolment, and the residents of Toronto hold more university degrees than any other city in the world.

10. Canada has the largest polar bear population of any country.

11. Canada has ten provinces and three territories, and the total population of Canada is 34,278,400 which is less than the State of California.

12. Della Falls, which is located on Vancouver Island, is the tallest waterfall in Canada, at 1443 feet in height. In comparison, Niagara Falls is only 180 feet in height.

13. Canada has the longest coastline of any country in the world at 151,600 miles.

14. The literacy rate in Canada is over 99%.

15. There are more donut shops per capita in Canada than any other country.

16. Justin Beiber is Canadian.

17. Canada produces so much energy, that it provides to the U.S. as well.

18. In 1967, the IMAX film system was invented by Canadian Ivan Grame Ferguson to premier at Expo 67.

19. The average life expectancy at birth for a Canadian is 81.16 years, the eighth highest in the world. The United States ranks 46th, at 78.14 years.

20. The Moosehead Brewery in Saint John, New Brunswick, turns out 1,642 bottles of beer per minute.

21. The world's strongest current is found in the Nakwakto Rapids at Slingsby Channel, British Columbia. The current has been measured at speeds up to 18.4 miles per hour.

22. Canada is also home to the longest street in the world. Yonge Street in Ontario starts at Lake Ontario, and runs north through Ontario to the Minnesota border, a distance of almost 2000 kilometres.

23. Actor Leslie Nielsen was Canadian and his brother Erik was the Deputy Prime Minister of Canada for two years, from 1984 to 1986.

24. Actor Raymond Massey was Canadian and his brother Vincent was the Governor General of Canada for seven years, from 1952 to 1959. Their father was the owner of Massey Harris which later became Massey Ferguson, the manufacturer of agricultural equipment.

25.  Famous Canadians include:  Nelly Furtado, Keanu Reeves, Pamela Anderson, Jim Carrey, Dan Aykroyd, Lorne Michaels, Neil Young, Avril Lavigne, Kim Cattrall, Guy Lombardo, Peter Jennings, Shania Twain, Sarah McLachlan, Jennifer Tilley, Alanis Morisette, Gordon Lightfoot, Bryan Adams, Wayne Gretzky, Lorne Greene, David Foster, Martin Short, Howie Mandel, Ryan Reynolds, Paul Anka, Mary Pickford, Rich Little, John Kenneth Galbraith, Hayden Christensen, Diana Krall, Joni Mitchell, Oscar Peterson, Lucy Maude Montgomery, Raymond Burr, Eric McCormack, Michael Bublé, James Cameron, John Candy, Matthew Perry, Jason Priestly, Art Linkletter, Morley Safer, Paul Shaffer, Cirque de Soleil, k.d. lang, Christopher Plummer, Celine Dion, Monty Hall, Hank Snow, both Scotty and Captain Kirk, Michael J. Fox, Frank Gehry (architect), James Gosling (author of Java computer language), Rick Moranis, W.P. Kinsella ("Field of Dreams"), Alex Trebek, Robert MacNeil (The MacNeil/Lehrer Report), Rachel McAdams ("The Notebook"), Mike Myers, Joe Shuster (creator of "Superman"), Donald and Kiefer Sutherland.  I'll bet you didn't know some of those folks were Canadian, did you?

26.  I have never seen a dog sled, snow shoes or an igloo.  I have, however, ridden on a skidoo.  I do say, "eh?"  A lot.

Great list, eh?

Life As An Edna Ferber Novel...

Do you ever find yourself thinking, on occasion, that life is like an Edna Ferber novel? Our lives go along day to day, and suddenly a generation has passed, and during that time, a story of epic proportions has been told.  Today, July 1st would have been Diana, Princess of Wales's 50th birthday.  She was first introduced to the world as the shy English rose, who glanced out from under her long, side-swept bangs, and hairdressers all over the world were besieged by young women who demanded a "Di job". That adulation was the beginning of the road to her early demise at the age of 36.  In this photograph the changes she underwent along that journey are clearly visible; she transformed into a completely different person.  What happened along the way?  How did Shi Di turn into the woman that Prime Minister Tony Blair awkwardly nicknamed "The People's Princess"?

In Edna Ferber's novels, usually the main character was a strong female, who underwent hardships and often discrimination of one sort or another.  Several of Edna Ferber's novels were made into movies, including "Show Boat", "Giant", "So Big", "Ice Palace", "Saratoga Trunk" and "Cimarron". Lady Diana's life could have been an Edna Ferber novel ~~ the young woman as a victim, who marries into a family whom she feels doesn't value her.  She struggles, but she overcomes the feelings of oppression, and produces two wonderful sons who grow up into fine young men to carry on the dynasty.  It's all there ~~ in epic proportions.

As Diana's life went along to its fateful end, I felt she was spinning out of control.  She had become the victim of her own celebrity, but she had also bought into her own myth.  Was that her fault, or her admirers?  I suppose we'll never know.  It's too sad for words.  Perhaps Edna Ferber might have thought of a happier ending to this woman's story. Perhaps she would be celebrating her 50th birthday today, surrounded by her friends and family, rather than as a tragic figure lying in a grave, surrounded by a lake in the quiet English countryside.

I'm Baaaaack..... Watch This Space

This past week has been rather overwhelming, and I haven't had an opportunity to open my blog. I'm not even sure anyone reads it anymore... In any case, we have been going through the accreditation process at work, so by the time I come home in the evenings, sitting at a computer is just about the last thing I want to do, right behind putting burning matches under my fingernails.

Typing? At home? For leisure...?

I don't think so.

In Canada, we have a three-day weekend coming up. Friday is Canada Day, and the Dude* and Duchess of Cambridge will be making their first official royal nine-day tour of Canada, starting on Thursday, June 30th. I would love to see them, but their tour includes almost all of Canada ~~  except British Columbia. And then they're off to the razzle-dazzle of Hollywood.  British Royalty used to have a certain je ne sais quoi ~~ a mystique ~~ but in the 21st Century they have come out from behind the palace walls onto the pages of People Magazine and Entertainment Tonight. Is that good or bad? I'm not sure. Perhaps their days are numbered, in any case.

"Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown." ~~ William Shakespeare

Have a fabulous long weekend, everyone. Happy Canada Day to my Canadian friends, and Happy Independence Day to my American friends.

I'll be back soon.  Watch this space.

*yes, Dude, his official title...  :-)

Well, I'll Be Darned...

Despite the bad publicity our city received lately with the Stanley Cup riots, Vancouver has once again been ranked by Economist Magazine as the number one city in the world in which to live. Apparently Vancouver scored 98 out of a maximum 100, as it has done for the past two years. Okay, that's just insane. Vancouver? Has the Economist Magazine ever been to Paris? Apparently, Paris came in at number 16.

The top U.S. city was Pittsburgh at number 29, with Los Angeles moving up to 44th place and New York coming in at 56th. London moved up one place to 53rd while Paris came in at number 16. The top Asian city was Osaka at number 12, tying Geneva, Switzerland and beating out the Japanese capital of Tokyo, which came in at 18. ~~ Economist Magazine

London at 53? New York at 56?

Well, I must admit that when I visited those two cities and then came back to Vancouver, I was impressed with what a beautiful city I live in, compared to London and New York. It's like a jewel in comparison. But as far as excitement and energy, New York has Vancouver beat ~~ hands down. London was a bit too large in my estimation, and the traffic is crazy. Paris is beautiful, but a bit claustrophobic and the streets are dirty. I bought a beautiful pair of soft buttery leather shoes in Paris, and the first thing I did when I wore them outdoors was to step in a lovely little pile of dog poop. It's everywhere in Paris.

But, yes, Vancouver is beautiful, it's cosmopolitan, we have great schools and universities, a fabulous cultural scene, and more.  We're fortunate to be surrounded by the ocean and mountains, giving us a setting that feels as if we're in a jewel box.  And if you come to visit us sometime, we promise not to riot.

Is It Live, Or Is It Memorex ... Part Two

Until this weekend, I had never heard of Rory McIlroy. I'm not a golf fan, and to me, watching golf is about as exciting as ... well ... watching the grass grow.  And then I heard about Rory McIlroy.  My daughter phoned me and said, "Google Rory McIlroy; who does he look just like?"  I burst out laughing.  He looks exactly like Phinnaeus.  Even the little hairs between his eyebrows are identical.  And his teeth.  And his cheeks.  And his nose.  And his curly hair. And his smile.  It's uncanny.  The only difference is, Rory McIlroy has brown eyes, and Phinnaeus's eyes are very blue.  In fact, I can even see Phinnaeus's mother in this picture.  The similarities are almost eerie.  How on earth does that happen?

Both Rory and Phinnaeus have a background from Northern Ireland.  I often tease Phinnaeus that he looks as if he should be wearing a kilt and throwing the hammer or doing the shot put in the Celtic Scottish/Irish Highland Games.  So possibly, way back when ... there is a connection somehow.

Phinnaeus is very much his own person.  He's smart and funnier than blazes.  The other day we went to his band concert, and as his mother, Marigold and I were walking out to the lobby during intermission, we came upon Phinnaeus chatting up a cute little redhead who looked a bit like Emma Watson from the "Harry Potter" movies.  He introduced us, and later he told us she was the girl who said he had "dreamy eyes".  Oh, goodness, wasn't it just last week I was taking him for walks around the neighbourhood ... in his stroller?  How on earth did he get dreamy eyes?  What did that happen?

Phinnaeus and Marigold's parents don't want me to post pictures of them on my blog, so this is the closest I can get ~~ a picture of Rory McIlroy.  Is it live or is it Memorex?  I don't know.  The more I look at it, I'm just not sure.

Never Trouble Trouble...

What do you see when you look at this glass? Is it half full, or is it half empty?  I prefer to see it as half full.  Seeing the glass as half full is a choice we can all make.  If we count our blessings, most of us will discover we have more blessings than we realize.  I feel very bad for people who don't understand this concept, who can only see the glass as half empty.  They judge their lives by what they don't have, rather than by what they do have.

My grandmother used to say, "Never trouble trouble until trouble troubles you."  That's very good advice.  It's all relative.  If people are going to be sad and angry over the small things in life, how are they going to cope with the really important things?  Anger is one of the most useless emotions, and I have seen anger ruin lives.

Anger is a natural part of the human psyche, a response to fight or flight, and it is necessary when one is being attacked by a sabre-tooth tiger or a Tyrannosaurus rex. Both humans and animals behave the same way when they're angry; they make loud sounds, attempt to look physically larger, bare their teeth, and stare. It's frightening for the people around them -- who often get angry in return, thereby escalating the already volatile situation. Anger begets anger. Folks become afraid of the anger because they never know when it is going to strike. My mother was angry and yelling all the time, and we were constantly on tenterhooks.  Because our mother was always angry, we thought she didn't love us, or even like us.  It changed who we were.

"People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing." ~~ Will Rogers

We all get angry occasionally; it's human nature. But there are varying degrees of anger, starting with mild annoyance, all the way to rage. Annoyance can be headed off at the pass before it becomes uncontrollable rage. Anger has an adverse effect not only on the victims, but on the person who is angry. Heart rate, blood pressure, and levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline increase. There is a theory that the "shot" of adrenaline becomes addictive, and the angry person needs more and more, much like any addict.  They become addicted to the "rush" of their anger.

"Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools." ~~ Albert Einstein

"Once we fully accept other people as they are without the slightest judgement or reservation – as all the enlightened beings accept us – then there is no basis for problems in our relations with others. Problems do not exist outside our mind, so when we stop seeing other people as problems they stop being problems. The person who is a problem to a non-accepting mind does not exist in the calm, clear space of patient acceptance.

Patient acceptance not only helps us, it also helps those with whom we are patient. Being accepted feels very different to being judged. When someone feels judged they automatically become tight and defensive, but when they feel accepted they can relax, and this allows their good qualities to come to the surface. Patience always solves our inner problems, but often it solves problems between people as well." ~~ Anger Management Techniques

People who are quick to anger don't understand how hurtful and painful their anger is, especially on the people who love them the most.  It's confusing and distressing for everyone, but anger is also so easy to control.  It's so easy...

"Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them." ~~ Lemony Snicket

Unsung Heroes...

Man on the Street
Theodore Gericault

Despite all actions to the contrary in recent days, I believe in the goodness of people. I think we all possess empathy and compassion towards our fellow man.  Yesterday as I was walking along a street in Vancouver, I saw a homeless man who had collapsed on his knees.  His hair was stringy and unkempt, his clothes were dirty and torn, and he looked as if he had fallen to his lowest point in life; he was in the gutter.  A couple of men had rushed to his aid, one fellow holding his hand, talking to him soothingly, while the other called 911 Emergency.  The fellow holding the fallen man's hand was very large and rather intimidating, and I would imagine that in many parts of the world, unfortunately, he would be treated with a certain amount of suspicion.  And when he spoke, I had never heard such kindness.

"You will be okay, just try to breathe, and don't be frightened.  We're here with you and we're not going to leave you until the medics get here.  You're okay... you're okay..."

The fallen man was on his knees, and his jeans were exposing part of his buttocks.  Another man came out of his shop with a small piece of cloth and covered the exposed man's shame.  It struck me then what a kind, thoughtful gesture that was.  The two men stayed with the fallen man and held his hand until the ambulance arrived, and he was quickly taken away.

Every day there are unsung heroes in our midst. We never know who these good Samaritans are, or if we will one day need them ourselves. After witnessing the horror of the Vancouver riots, my faith in humanity was badly shaken, but it has once again been restored by these two kind men.