Marital Discord

What do you say to a couple who fights like cats and dogs all the time, phones you and drags you into the situation to the point where it makes you physically ill, and then says, "I'm done with this conversation..." and slams the phone down on you.  And all you were doing on a Thursday evening was -- oh, I don't know -- sleeping, reading, or otherwise sitting in your own home minding your own business...? How do you deal with people like that? I have been going through a rough couple of weeks, trying to deal with the death of my close friend, and it has been more difficult than I would have imagined.

I don't understand marriage, and I don't understand marital discord. I think that is why God created marriage counsellors.  I lead a very simple life, I go to work, I come home, I blog, I read, I draw and paint. I enjoy time with my friends. I try to keep some semblance of normalcy, calmness and serenity in my life. It's actually very easy to do. I cannot be responsible, however, for other people's state of mind, or how they live their lives. I cannot help other people in that regard, because let's face it, people never listen to me anyway, so why ask for my advice? But I draw the line at becoming a lightning rod for other people's problems.  I have had enough of that.

My plan this week was to take four days off, get my sense of balance back after the past couple of weeks, and find my centre again. Nice try...  As Dorothy Parker said, "What fresh hell is this...?"

*sigh*

My advice to anyone who is in a bad relationship, "Get out of it... If you don't want to get out of it, then get professional help for whatever is making the relationship turn sour. Life is too short to be so miserable and unhappy all the time.  But, please, leave me out of your turmoil, because you never listen to my advice or suggestions anyway.  It always follows the same routine, doesn't it?  All it has done is upset me.  Again... For the 100th time... Thanks."

"How am I?  Oh, just great ... swell ... thanks for asking..."

Sketches ... And A Give-Away

Today is Canada Day, and I have four days off work, in which to unwind and "unlax" as my mother used to say. I have hauled out my art supplies and plan to do some sketching. One of my most treasured items is a book called "1000 Years of Drawing" with wonderful sketches in it by everyone from Albrect Altdorfer to Willem van der Velde, the Younger. And yes, there are some sketches by the artist who did the two drawings on this post as well. Can you guess who it is?  Some of you undoubtedly will recognize the simplicity and beauty of the lines.  I never take part in give-aways, but just to make it interesting, I have a small gift of one of my pencil sketches to anyone who can guess the artist of these two sketches.  Now, don't all rush...

I have always enjoyed sketching more than any other type of art form, it is my first love, and to me it is the purest way of creating art. Sketches are never considered masterpieces, and in any case I would never be a good enough artist to create a masterpiece. But I always enjoy the results of my pencil sketches, and my favorite piece that I have done recently is the salt and pepper shaker on my sidebar. And strangley enough, I get a lot of requests from folks for a copy of that little picture. Go figure... As for my give-away ... I haven't drawn it yet. It will be a Jo original, but it won't be nearly as good as these two sketches. Aren't they wonderful? Can you guess who did them?

The Kindness Of Strangers...

The Ragpicker
Édouard Manet
1865

This is a little quiz for you -- a hypothetical question, as it were. It may or may not be based on an actual situation. Imagine you are working for a health care organization. A patient -- a frail 80 year-old man -- is on his way to visit your office. He is ill. He has already been to see the doctor a month ago, and the doctor gave the elderly gentleman some medicine and asked him to come back in a month. On his way to the doctor's office for his return visit, he gets confused and lost. He goes into a church and asks for help, and the folks in the church call 911 and the elderly gentleman is assisted by the police who bring him to the doctor's office. The doctor sees the patient, spends some time counselling him on his illness, gives him some more medicine, and asks the elderly gentleman how he is going to get home. He sits forlornly in his chair, resting on his cane, looking very small and tired, and says, "I don't know..."

Now imagine that the doctor enquires throughout the office if some money can be taken out of the discretionary funds in order to help this old gentleman take a taxi home.

"Sure, we have the money... I'll check with the taxi company to see how much it will cost to get the patient from point A to point B..."

At this point the Administrator of the office steps in and tells the doctor that he cannot give money to the elderly gentleman to get home, he will have to find some other way to get home, even though we do have the funds.

My question is this:  Which person would you be?  Would you be the person who opens your wallet, takes out two $20 bills and gives it to the elderly gentleman so he can get safely home, and calls a taxi for him?  Or would you be the person who says, "Who knows -- he probably owns his own home and is just scamming us"?

Sometimes people show their true colors, and much like the picture of Dorian Gray, even though the exterior may be polished and attractive, the colors underneath are hideous and deformed.

One day, perhaps, there will be people who are 80 years old, frail, ill and confused, and depending on the kindness of strangers.

There Are No Rules...

Yesterday I went to a very beautiful service at Vancouver's Christ Church Cathedral. As cathedrals go, Christ Church Cathedral is not very big, but it is exquisitely beautiful and has one of the world's best pipe organs. The church was built in 1895 and was constructed in the Gothic stye out of cedar planking and old growth Douglas fir. Vancouver's Christ Church Cathedral is the is the cathedral church of the Diocese of New Westminster of the Anglican Church of Canada, it is the regimental Church of the Seaforth Highlanders, and it is also the church at which the British royal family worships when in Vancouver. It's a beautiful church.

At yesterday's service, the priest's sermon really resonated with me. He spoke about how churches should get rid of all the rules and regulations, and become all-inclusive and welcoming. He said that Christ had stripped away all the rules, but by a couple of centuries later, the Church had put them all back again. That's very true. The rules and regulations are what chased me away from the church. There remained very little of spirituality, and a lot of "can't, don't, shouldn't..." Fire and brimstone seemed to be lurking ever closer, and all sense of sanctity was disappearing. That is a human construct, not a spiritual one. Rules and regulations...

I believe everyone has a spiritual aspect, some are just more private about it than others. Their concept of God, or a Higher Power, may be different from those folks who belong to an organized religion. There is no right or wrong way, no good, best or better. It's what a person feels inside their own thoughts and soul. I do believe also, that belonging to a church should not feel like joining an exclusive club. I don't think God is going to blackball anyone if they don't jump through all the hoops. It doesn't work that way. The priest also spoke about how divisive religion has been through the years, and still is -- perhaps now more than ever. I did a post about that recently, and a lot of folks disagreed with me, but religion is divisive; spirituality is not. They are two different things. Faith is not about the rituals, it is about seeing the good in other people, and as the priest said, seeing good in all things. One of the guest speakers at Christ Church Cathedral is the world-famed environmentalist, David Suzuki. We need only to think of the horrors of the oil spill in the Gulf to see how greed and unGodliness can wreak havoc on our little green planet.

I once attended a wedding that took place on the edge of a forest. As the sun came around, it shone on a huge, beautiful golden spider's web centered in the trees. I looked at it and thought it looked exactly like a rose window in a great cathedral, with the sun shining through it.  I thought, "This is God's cathedral, and God is here at this wedding..."  You don't need a church or the rules and constraints to be a spiritual person.  That was the message in the priest's sermon yesterday.  He was telling the folks to go out and find God everywhere.  There are no rules.

Breezin' With Benson

Occasionally, -- every once in a blue moon, as it were -- the stars and the planets line up just so, and everything goes perfectly. That's how it was this evening when Lulu and I went to see George Benson. We went for dinner beforehand, and found a parking spot right in front of the restaurant. We had a wonderful dinner -- with dessert, thank you very much. Lulu says she likes going for dinner with me, because I am adventuresome and will try any kind of food -- Chinese, Indian, Japanese, Italian, Greek... Well, yes, I have never found a food I didn't like, except perhaps rice pudding.

But I digress...

We got to the theatre and parked for free in the building where Lulu works -- which just happens to be right across the street from the theatre. Our seats were the best seats in the house, and George Benson was even better than the last time I saw him. He's mellowed somehow, and has a richer, deeper sound. He did a solo of "Danny Boy" that was one of the most versions beautifuls I had ever heard, and was quite haunting. For a few moments I thought perhaps he was playing it for my friend Sherry, over there at her final rest in the glens of Scotland ... the pipes, the pipes are calling, from glen to glen, and down the mountain side ...

Vancouver audiences are known for being fairly raucous, but Benson didn't seem to mind.  I think he played into it.  What better way to spend a Saturday evening than Breezin' with Benson.

I did manage to video some of this evening's performance, but the videos take forever to upload, and I'm not sure whether I have permission to share them on my blog, but here's a teeny video of our great seats. George Benson, one of the greatest jazz guitarists ever.

Is Meese The Pleural Of Moose...?

A month ago, a woman from Northern British Columbia had the misfortune to hit a moose with her car. She was taken to Vancouver General Hospital, where she is still recovering from her injuries. Last Friday her sister decided to drive down to Vancouver to visit her, and was also injured when she hit a moose with her car.

“I knew right away it was a moose,” she said. “I slammed on the brakes with both my feet.” It was like two explosions.”

“My first thought was, ‘Are the moose going out [on a] hunting season for my family?”’ she said.

Moose are involved in about 8% of all wildlife vehicle collisions, according to the Wildlife Collision Prevention Program’s website.

“Moose will often try to avoid vehicles by running along a highway,” added Jeff Knight, spokesman for B.C.’s Ministry of Transportation.

“If it’s safe to do so, it’s best to pull over or slow down until the animal leaves the road.”

Both women are okay; I think the meese moose have gone on to greener pastures.

Only in Canja, hey?

To Eat Or Not To Eat ... ?

Still-life with Parrot
Georg Flegel
ca. 1600

Like many people, I sometimes often struggle with my weight. It wasn't a problem for me until a few years ago, and then *poof*.  I began to wonder why, and one thing I have noticed is that portion sizes are much larger than they were 10 or even 20 years ago.  The theory in gaining or losing weight is quite simple -- not to sound too simplistic.  Too many calories in, not enough calories out, folks will gain weight.  Fewer calories in, more calories burned, folks will lose weight.  It is the whole basis of any weight loss program.  It's the same theory that applies to weight loss surgery -- stomachs are surgically reduced in size so a person cannot eat food in anything but tiny portions.  They lose weight immediately.  Just eat less -- it's really easy, right?  No, it isn't.

Most of us live fairly sedentary lives in the 21st Century.  We spend several hours a day in front of either the television or the computer. Even in the blogging community, I see folks who are posting on almost every blog in the blogosphere -- every day -- and I wonder how they have the time to do it. They must be nailed to their chairs. Blogging takes a lot of time, and it's a very sedentary activity. I can't do it every day; it starts to become a chore rather than a pleasure.  I am parked in front of my computer all day at work, and often the very last thing I want to do when I come home is to park myself in front of my computer, but unfortunately I often park myself in front of my television.  It would be interesting to find out how many people take an hour in the evening to dance -- rather than sitting and watching "Dancing with the Stars" or -- even worse -- "Losing it with Jillian..."

Vancouver, fortunately, is a city of sidewalks and parks, but most North American neighbourhoods no longer have sidewalks.  Hardly anyone walks anymore; our cities are geared towards cars.  Most North Americans drive their cars, because in many of our cities there is nowhere to walk.   We spend many of our work hours and our leisure hours in sedentary activities.  I think if future anthropologists and sociologists were to look back at our civilization, they would learn a lot about us from our television commercials -- food, cars, weight loss programs and pharmaceuticals.  The whole story of our society is encompassed in those four words.  Are the cards stacked against us?  Obesity in children is becoming a problem in North America, and for the first time, the future generation has a shorter life expectancy than their parents.  That's frightening.

It's a beautiful summer day.  Let's all go for a walk.  I'll see you at the park.

And All That Jazz...!

Every once in a while I get lucky, and today I got  really, really lucky. Oh, no, no, no -- I know what you're thinking. Not that lucky... but I did get lucky.

On Friday, June 25th, the Vancouver International Jazz Festival starts, and usually I am not able to get a ticket to anything I really want to hear.  Today my luck changed.  This weekend is my friend Lulu's birthday, and I had been planning to get tickets to George Benson, one of her favorite musicians -- and mine too -- featured at this year's jazz festival. Unfortunately, I dilly-dallied, and all the good tickets were sold out.

But wait ... today at noon Ticketmaster released some of the best seats in the house, and guess who managed to snag two of them just as they were released. Just guess.  When I told Lulu about the tickets, she was so thrilled, she offered to treat me to dinner beforehand.  Now I tell you, that's really lucky.

Vancouver's Jazz Festival has become a world-renowned event.  According to Vancouver Coastal Jazz, "The festival will feature over 1800 musicians from Canada and around the world performing at over 40 venues citywide. There will be approximately 150 free concerts including Gastown Jazz on opening weekend (June 26-27), Canada Day on Granville Island, and the Jazz at the Roundhouse; and the David Lam Park free concert extravaganza on closing weekend (July 3-4).".

Paul Barros of the Seattle Times says, "If this isn't the best jazz festival in the world, please send us tickets to a better one." Well, I don't know about that, but it is wonderful, and even more so this year because I have great tickets.

Here's George Benson playing my favorite -- "Affirmation" recorded live at the North Sea Jazz Festival two years ago. Be sure to turn the sound up -- way up.

Are Fathers Necessary ... ?

There was a socialogical study done recently asking if fathers were necessary, and the conclusion of the study was that they were not. Well, just how stupid is that? Of course fathers are necessary. My daughter grew up without a father, after he was killed in a plane crash when she was only four years old, and it was always my biggest regret. When I was growing up, my father influenced the person I became -- probably more than anyone else in my life. He introduced me to good literature, jazz, classical music, the love of the outdoors, and so much more. My mother had led a rather cloistered life, and that is the way she lived -- like a bird in a gilded cage, and she didn't like the outdoors. But my father, although he was quieter in nature, lived a much bigger life. He taught me how to how to swim, hike, fish, ride a bike, and where to find the best ice cream cones. He taught me how to chop wood and build a bonfire. He taught me how to whistle.  My father was often the quiet oasis when my mother would become irritated or angry.  My father made me feel safe, and I can't imagine how my life would have been without him.

Are fathers necessary?  Of course they are.  So, to all the fathers or fathers-to-be, or fellows who will one day be fathers, or to anyone who currently has a father, or who has had a father...

Happy Father's Day...!

C'est l'amour ... !

The Lovers
Pablo Picasso
1923

Is there any word in the English language more boring than the word "partner" as a substitute for the word "lover"? How on earth did lover become politically incorrect? Or spouse, husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, fiancé... affaire de coeur. What politically correct tyrant came up with the words "partner" or "significant other" in place of the word lover? Can you imagine the romantic poets writing wonderful poetry, prose or songs about a partner? The word has all the romance of a cement wall. What on earth has happened to the English language that we feel we have to sanitize it to the point where it has no feeling ... it just feels forced and artificial.

This morning I was watching a segment on TV about female Viagra. The doctor who was being interviewed kept referring to the folks in question as "partners". Well, no wonder Viagra is necessary -- we have eradicated every trace of romance between two people. Which one of these phrases completely lacks sex appeal:

"I am going to go home after work and make passionate love with my lover..."

"I am going to go home after work and copulate with my partner..."

Language shapes the way we see things. In a way, it is the music of our lives. But I have noticed lately that people are so self-conscious about how they speak, and which words to choose, that the art of conversation has become awkward. Political correctness can be used as a tool to censor, stifle and discredit what other folks have to say. Of course, there are certain words that are so offensive, it shocks us now that they were ever used at all. Without listing them here, we all know what those words are, but unfortunately we occasionally still hear them. However, there are certain words that should be left alone. They don't marginalize anyone, and they don't offend. Here is a list of some of the silliest politically correct terms I have seen lately.

Homeless - outdoor urban dwellers
Plagiarism - previously owned prose
Prostitute - sex care provider
Thin - horizontally challenged
Fat - horizontally gifted
Too old/young - other aged
Wrong - differently logical

Oh, goodness...

Here is the amazing Aretha Franklin singing "Partner Lover Come Back to Me".