Sunday, June 20, 2010

Are Fathers Necessary ... ?

There was a socialogical study done recently asking if fathers were necessary, and the conclusion of the study was that they were not. Well, just how stupid is that? Of course fathers are necessary. My daughter grew up without a father, after he was killed in a plane crash when she was only four years old, and it was always my biggest regret. When I was growing up, my father influenced the person I became -- probably more than anyone else in my life. He introduced me to good literature, jazz, classical music, the love of the outdoors, and so much more. My mother had led a rather cloistered life, and that is the way she lived -- like a bird in a gilded cage, and she didn't like the outdoors. But my father, although he was quieter in nature, lived a much bigger life. He taught me how to how to swim, hike, fish, ride a bike, and where to find the best ice cream cones. He taught me how to chop wood and build a bonfire. He taught me how to whistle.  My father was often the quiet oasis when my mother would become irritated or angry.  My father made me feel safe, and I can't imagine how my life would have been without him.

Are fathers necessary?  Of course they are.  So, to all the fathers or fathers-to-be, or fellows who will one day be fathers, or to anyone who currently has a father, or who has had a father...

Happy Father's Day...!

27 comments:

KrippledWarrior said...

Every one has a father. Any man can be a father. But not every father is a DAD! You father sounds like he was a DAD!!!

TomCat said...

Josie, I agree with the caveat that one loving responsible parent is better for a child than two who are not.

Happy Fathers Day

Single and Sane said...

I don't think I have ever seen a study conclude that father's aren't necessary. That's very sad, and surely wrong. I agree with you - of course they're necessary! They bring balance to our lives.

Paul C said...

How sad to have lost your husband when your daughter was four. And what a wonderful tribute to your own father. It sounds like he opened so many horizons for you.

Paula Slade said...

Fathers are indeed necessary. A relationship between a father and child and a mother and child are totally different. Both provide a unique outlook and balance in a child's life. I am sorry for your loss Jo.

A human kind of human said...

I cannot imagine, or rather I fear to imagine, a world without fathers. What a silly notion!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Your father sounds like a wonderful man and very talented at being a parent. How very fortunate for you both!

Happy Fathers' Day!

Indian Pundit said...

i simply cannot imagine life with out mom and dad.

and for me everyday is a father's and
mother's day!

ρομπερτ said...

Impressive writing !

With a father away since I was three, I try to be a better one for my son.

Dear Jo, I would like to wish you a wonderful start into the new week.

daily athens

HAPPY IN NEVADA said...

Unfortunately, my father was an alcoholic and a child-abuser. I think the term should be "Are GOOD fathers necessary" because there are a lot of people like me, who wish they'd had a loving and good father.

I had a GOOD grand-father, and spent most of my time with him as I grew up - none of us 5 children knew what it was like to have happy and loving parents because our mother was quite unkind and showed little attention.

So, to the good fathers - keep it going, and for them, I send my best wishes.

Alissa said...

I agree!

It's funny, my parents are almost the complete reverse of yours. My dad is the indoor, delicate type and my mom is more the daring and adventurous one happy to go for a hike or handle the yard work. Mom the calm peaceful one and dad the moody one. I am thankful for both my parents, and appreciate the way that their different natures balance each other out.

Belizegial said...

In other words, you had that seemingly rare experience i.e. a well-rounded childhood. Kudos to you for stating that fathers are necessary because they actually are. Happy Sunday~

DUTA said...

Without fathers, what will become of the well-known "threat" all the mothers of the world use as a last resort when the child is naughty: "Wait till your Dad comes home..."?

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Amen.

DJan said...

The other thing about fathers (and mothers, for that matter) is that they don't stay around forever, and appreciation is a wonderful thing to experience, both as a giver and as a receiver. Happy Father's Day to every dad out there.

Kimberly said...

I think it depends on the person. I would be a different person had I not had one & that isn't neccessarily a bad thing.

Laurie said...

Sounds like our fathers were very similar and had similar influences on our lives. My father was and continues to be (though he's been gone over 20 years) the biggest positive influence on my life. I wish all children could be as blessed as we were.

Whitney Lee said...

Oh, I agree completely! Fathers are completely necessary. Mine has been an integral part of my life, my development, my expectations of the men in my life. He is a huge part of my support system and often helps me find my way through the frightening world of parenting. I cannot imagine what my life would have been without him. Perhaps this is part of what's wrong with society today-that they think it's possible to raise a healthy, well rounded child with only one person. Hell, often two people are not nearly enough. What about the days when the village raised the child because it was a given that one or two people, no matter how loving or well intentioned, simply weren't enough?

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Your dad sounds like a wonderful man! My dad was a career Navy man and was absent a lot during my childhood. He treated Mother like a queen and that is a good thing for little girls to see. All of us have shortcomings and of course he has his, but my dad is a wonderful example of a good husband.

Smalltown RN said...

Oh how true...Dad's are vital...as I type this my hubby and his dad have been out on a fishing trip...those two are the best of friends, I don't know what my hubby would do without his dad...

I would be very interested in reading about that study....I wonder what perameters they used to determine that fathers were not necessary....

Katy said...

I echo the need for Good Fathers.

I can't say that my father and I had the best relationship growing up, but I know that he loves us all and just seeing how love transends understanding has shaped me in wonderful ways.

tinkerbell the bipolar faerie said...

YES!

How ridiculous for anyone to think otherwise.

Sniffles and Smiles said...

ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY!!! Great post, Jo!! But then, your posts ALWAYS are!! Love, Janine XO

Sam Liu said...

Of course fathers are necessary, I heartily echo your sentiments. It's always good to have a well balanced mix of ying and yang in one's mother and father...it really does have a profound impact on young life.

mrsnesbitt said...

A difficult one for me - I have a natural/biological father who showed no interest in me - and I had a dad who worhsipped - yes some would call him a stepfather but he was my dad! Love him & miss him so much! Dxx

@ly said...

My Dad was a good Dad and my husband is a good Dad and I miss my Dad and am thankful for my hubby. Other males who are not necessarily "the Dad" can be a great inspiration to a child. I am sorry for your loss and hope you hold those memories close in your heart.

Smoke said...

Yes, well. The biology in the matter would be pretty imposible to start with. But I am pretty sure that this is not the onus of the study. I suspect the researcher went to nature and drew comparasants between animal mothers and fathers and the role they play in the lives of the young. And actually it is a load of crud. Fathers play such a vital role in the upbringing of youth and if you have even worked one day with delinquents, you would find most of then had never had the opportunity of having a fathers love. That said, the topic of good and bad fathers come up again. But think of it this way. If there is one car model manufactured that mostly causes accidents, then do we write off the automobile completly and say it is a useless technology? Think about it.