Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Some Of My "Favourite" People...

This month is my 12th anniversary where I work. During those 12 years, I have met some wonderfully interesting people, many of whom are world-renowned, and who have published in several prestigious medical publications including, JAMA, New England Journal of Medicine, Lancet ... and more. It has been a privilege and a pleasure to work with those folks. It has always been my experience that the higher up someone is on the corporate totem pole, the more respect with which they treat the little green frog (me) at the bottom. However, in the past 12 years I have also met some folks who were, shall we say, less than civilized in the way they treated other people. Fortunately, the nasty folks have come and gone -- mostly gone -- but their echoes have lived on long after they have departed this facility. Here are five of my particular ... um ... favourites who have made my life and the lives of my co-workers a living hell extremely miserable over the past ten years.

Snooki. Oh, goodness, what can I say about Snooki? She was hired to be the department manager, but I have never met anyone who was so completely unqualified to do her job.  She would come into work in the mornings, after being out the night before, and pronounce to all and sundry, "I feel like ass...!"  A class act, she was not.  We could hear the clickety clack of her stiletto heels as she clomped down the hallway, and her artificially enhanced bosoms entered the room five minutes before she did.  She was so completely incompetent, she had no idea what any of us did.  Not a clue.  But if the folks in our department came up with an idea or suggestion that streamlined any of the processes, Snooki immediately stole it and took credit for it.  She was mean and nasty, and she took great delight in calling people into her office and haranguing them solely for the purpose of asserting her authority.  She was responsible for several people jumping ship, and when Snooki finally announced she was leaving, someone hung a calendar in the break room and counted down the days with a big red X.  She's gone, baby, gone, but the echoes of her incompetence still reverberate throughout the office.

Psycho nurse. One of my particular favourites was the overwrought nurse manager. Man, she was psycho. She was the type of person who enjoyed stirring up trouble between people or groups of people. And she was good at it.  Watching her manoeuvre was like watching a virtuoso play a Stradivarius.  It was a work of art.  But, when folks had finally figured out her game, she would cry foul and carry on like a mad woman.  She once sent several of the administration staff an e-mail that was three pages of incoherent ranting and abusive name-calling.  It was one of the most bizarre things I had ever seen.  When the staff complained to the human resources department, the psycho nurse was forced to formally apologize with both a verbal and written apology, in the presence of the Director, in the human resources boardroom.  Psycho nurse left shortly after that, and she has had eight jobs since then.  Our understanding is she can't stay in one place for very long.  Wherever she is now, they're welcome to her.

The gossip. One of the most dangerous people in the workplace is the gossip. Gossips don't discriminate -- whether it's the truth, or a lie made up out of whole cloth -- they're happy to pass it on. And if it's a particularly slow day, they're not opposed to making something up themselves. I have been at both sides of the gossip's mischief, and it's particularly unpleasant. We have a gossip at work who is always standing in someone's doorway, whispering something confidential -- about someone else.  The sole purpose of the gossip is to make other folks look bad so the gossip can look good. If they can cozy up to a director or a manager, and whisper something the manager should know, they think they look as if they are being conscientious.  Of course, anyone in a management position who knows their stuff (that rules out Snooki) pays no attention to the gossip.  But the harm is done, nonetheless.  Our office gossip retired a few years ago, but because of short-staffing, she keeps coming back.  Yesterday she whispered to me that the people on the other side of the office are using our water.  From our taps!  Can you imagine?  *sigh*

The black widow spider. Oh, dear. What can I say? She was a manager for many years, and several of her staff members died of cancer or heart disease -- in their 40s. The black widow spider was one of the most angry people I have ever met in my life. I still have nightmares about her. She yelled, she threw things, she slammed doors and she swore. She always wore black with never a hint of colour, and she sat in her web lair office with the lights turned off until someone walked past and she would pounce on them.  She believed the office could not run without her.  She made the rules and she changed the rules -- at her whim.  She stomped up and down the hallways hollering, "What would this place do without me, what would this place do without me...?"  When she retired, the organization didn't bother to replace her but instead farmed her meager duties out to her staff members.  What did we do without her?  We celebrated.

The shrieking giraffe. She came to us as a temp. At first she was very pleasant, albeit slightly high strung. She she was over six feet tall, skinny, and she called everyone "love" or "baby" or "honey" or "doll face". It made everyone extremely uncomfortable, but in truth the shrieking giraffe hated us all -- well, all except for the gossip. She loved the gossip. The gossip could be useful to her. The shrieking giraffe really was the temp from h*ll. About 20 years ago there was a movie called The Temp with Timothy Hutton and Lara Flynn Boyle. Have you seen it? The shrieking giraffe made Lara Flynn Boyle appear sweet. Trust me, there is no shark or piranha hungrier than a temp. The shrieking giraffe's modus operandi was to tell jokes.  And then she would shriek with laughter.  It was scary.  When Snooki left, the shrieking giraffe was transferred to another department on another floor, and occasionally I can hear the shrieking laughter drifting through the hallways, and when I do, I hide.  She still scares me.

Those are just a few of the more "colourful" folks that have drifted in and out of our office.  Common things being common, you have probably known a few people like these as well.  We endure them.  But, as quickly as they arrive, they leave. Thank goodness.

19 comments:

Sextant said...

Gee, you accurately described many of the people I used to work with. Fortunately, there were far more good people than bad.

Leslie: said...

HilARious! Where did you find those pictures??? I was waiting to see how you'd describe the BWS and love love love her photo! You sure have a way with words, Josie, and I'm so glad I'm on your side! lol

Jo said...

Sextant, I think every office has them, eh? And what would life be without them, bless their souls. :-)

Leslie, thanks! Oh, I could write a whole book about some of the characters in my office. And the BWS actually looks exactly that that picture. Scary! :-)

joanne said...

I'm sure I've worked with a few of them myself. Isn't it amazing how much damage they can do, not only to our confidence but our well being also. Congrats on your anniversary!

Alicia said...

I'm lucky that I've never worked in a large office where the employees change frequently. But we did have something similar recently in the office that I now work out and luckily both of them are now gone. It's made my workload a lot heavier, but my heart a lot lighter.

KQ Sue said...

ROFL! I know those people.

the walking man said...

I have been medically retired as long as you have been in your office Jo...but oh how I do remember those people, always out to prove who had the greater authority.

I never took it from them, not once, they did everything they could to get me to quit but it wasn't happening. I was a Master Auto/Truck?Cycle mechanic so I could've quit and gone anywhere to work but I liked the fight as much as they liked to start it.

I spent 80 days suspended without pay in the first 9 years I worked for the outfit and retaliated by costing them over 3 million in fines. Then they called a truce and i let loose and showed them how many cars and trucks I could actually fix if left alone.

The last foreman I had actually apologized for the first ten years, it was all in my record and told me he was sorry to see me go because the shop numbers would drop by a third. *oh well*

Growing up with my father I learned that if he was going to scrape some onto my plate he was going to have to take the first bite or it would just sit there and get more rancid. He was mean but he made me have the quality of being meaner before I mellowed in my late thirties.

DJan said...

You remind me once again why I am so glad to be retired. We had some of those types in our office, too, especially the gossip.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I meet wonderful people every day, but sadly enough, it is the crazy oddballs that make the biggest impact. Maybe it is a self preservation that makes us take note of these people. A reminder of who we don't want to be.

scarlethue said...

Luckily I'm in charge of the hiring for my office so I filter a lot of these types out in interviews. Sometimes one will slip through, but they don't last long because they stick out like a sore thumb and no one puts up with it. I have worked with folks like these in my past though... makes coming to work 8 hours a day unpleasant to say the least.

DUTA said...

So much is invested in education! Sadly, education doesn't fix or improve one's inborn character.
Work won't kill you, certain co-workers might.

Russell said...

Most people have good and not so good qualities. And most of us spend more time around our co-workers than our family or friends.

Sometimes the more you get to know someone, the less you like them. Heh! The shine sort of wears off.

I think every work place has its share of interesting characters. I recall reading a New York Times article that described the usual group of office workers - and I remember thinking the author could have been describing where I work. Heh!

If you ever see a group of office workers in a picture, you can usually relate to most everyone in the picture. We are more alike than different, aren't we?!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

What an entertaining post! And I am so glad I don't work in your office, although I could write a book about some of my own former co-workers.

Stephen said...

Don't you have any guys in your office? Everyone who's worked for even a little while knows a male someone who has engaged in inappropriate behavior toward women, been promoted only because he kissed the CEO's derriere, and/or taken a great deal of liberties with expense accounts. I agree, though, that one encounters "far more good people than bad."

Sally said...

Oh yes, you certainly hit the nail on the head describing some of the ones I used to work with; the gossip being the worst! :)

Paula Slade said...

Very entertaining post Jo! You know, these mini bios would make for a great television sitcom - talk about character development. P.S. The pictures you selected for each of the wacky co-workers were perfect. :)

pilgrimchick said...

I very much enjoyed reading this post!

The oddest person I worked with in my current job was a woman who was hired to do the cleaning in the morning. The cleaning staff is a wonderful bunch. However, this woman would actually "pretend" to be cleaning something when she was really listening in on your phone conversation or your discussion with your colleague. Needless to say, she wasn't fooling anyone, and she eventually left.

Linda Myers said...

It's been nearly two years since I quit my job. Some days I miss the work and some of the people. But we had all the characters you write about, and I'm grateful I don't have to be around them any more.

I always wondered by some people got hired into management. What does that say about the hirers?

JeannetteLS said...

Jo, illustrations and words alike had me riveted and smiling. Perhaps sometimes I shouldn't have been smiling, but I did. You captured office personality types perfectly.

Boy, good thing you keep that description handy that you aren't a writer. Otherwise I'd swear you are.

Just catching up and HAD to read a couple of your entries. I've missed my blogging friends. You are one of the first that I HAD to check.