Friday, January 30, 2009

The Law of Probability

Childen at the Dice Game
Bartolomé Esteban Murillo

Probability is the likelihood or chance that something is the case, or that an event will occur. Probability theory is used extensively in such areas of study as mathematics, statistics, finance, gambling, science, and philosophy to draw conclusions about the likelihood of potential events and the underlying mechanics of complex systems ... and my life. If I find something I like such as a shampoo or a toothpaste or vacuum cleaner and I go back to buy another one, I find that particular brand is not being made anymore. Or, if on the odd occasion I may be saying something about someone that I don't wish them to hear, I will turn around to find them standing right behind me. Oh, yes ... we've all been there.

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the impossibility of the reach.

Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Law of Gym Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctor' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor; by the time you get there you'll feel better.


Top-of-the-Arch said...

Hi Jo, trust you are feeling better. For the first time since I began to follow your blog, there are no comments already posted to your daily writing. So I will quickly be the first one to send a comment, or actually just to say hi, hope you are feeling well and have a good weekend. I will be at the hockey game (St. Louis Blues v. Philadelphia Flyers) on Saturday and "glued" to the sofa watching the Superbowl (pre-game shows, the game and the celebration) on Sunday :)

Stephen Leach said...

Oh my god that is so right. Love all the 'laws'.

PinkPanthress said...

This Law List is awesome, I can, based on personal observings, confirm so many of them.

Mary Ellen said...

I have another one for ya...

Blog Law

If you are writing a post for your blog that requires your complete attention to detail, the phone will ring...multiple times.


Patsy said...

Hey Jo- one way to avoid cold coffee is to buy an electric coffee warmer. Those things are great. The onliest thing is that you could forget your cup of coffee there and return the next day to sludge.

lovelyprism said...

LOL ... all true!

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Dude, that is soooo true of baths and changing lanes. I mean, what the hell is up with that? Honestly?

SaraghA said...

whenever I want to show someone any new thing my toddler daughter is doing, she does the opposite. Like, after a day of her correctly identifying colors, telling my husband about it, and then he points to a yellow toy and she yells "GREEN!"

is there a "Law of Inherent Child Opposition?" Serves me right I guess for putting her on the spot...

Firefly the Travel Guy said...

You are Probably right about all of them.

Anonymous said...

So true! Thanks for a chickle on a day that I needed one.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, that's "chuckle"!

Charles Gramlich said...

I have a corollary to this kind of law. The negative consequences will be less than the minimum required for it to become so over the top as to be funny.

Miss V said...

Wow, that is not only hilarius, but insanely accurate!

kimber said...

You forgot Cole's Law: When dining out, either one person will eat everyone's shredded cabbage garnish, or nobody eats the shredded cabbage garnish at all.

Belizegial said...

Here's another:

Law of the Potty:

If you're on it, the postman will start ringing his bicycle bell non-stop at the gate causing consternation to one and all :)

Have a nice weekend Josie!


Scoobyloves2004 said...

Jo- Those are all so true and funny! I needed a good laugh!

Anonymous said...

The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Oh, do I love that. Guilty on a number of counts.

kenju said...

Those are ALL funny!!

nomore said...

Very funny a sort of Murphy's or a Sally's.....I'v never seen this nice blog..enough to be the Best blog....get well soon and build it more...

Ruby Isabella said...

Law of being tied to a post when you person is in a shop:
Something edible is just out of reach.

SweetPeaSurry said...

Sounds like you're feeling better. It's always a lovely feeling getting back on track, isn't it?

I adored your list of probabilities, and every one of them logical and completely on point!!

Have a good one!

Russell said...

True, true, and more true!

I like (and can relate) to each of these, but I think I like Law of Logical Argument the best: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about!

Reminds me of the expression the confidence of ignorance! The guy at the end of the bar who has all the simple answers to life's very difficult problems! Because he is so ignorant, he thinks he is so smart! Heh!

Take care and thanks for making me laugh!

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

So many (funny but frustrating) laws! But then laws are meant to be broken! Care to join me on a crime spree of breaking some of these laws?

Anonymous said...

Very nice site. Hope you dont mind I added you to my list.

Anonymous said...

These are great! :-) And in my life, the Law of Gravity states that the dropped tool will first smash my foot...before it lands in that hard-to-reach place.

simply_me! said...

awesome!!! sooo true!!! :D

Synapse said...

It is quite close to what happens to us in our daily life. Great observation

Unknown said...

Anything that can go wrong will go wrong at worst possible place and worst possible time.

Unknown said...

Ultimate...laws r very true... :D

Unknown said...

Ultimate...laws r very true... :D

eda said...