Gentlemen, Please Remove Your Hats...

There was a time when all men wore hats, they knew how to wear them and they knew when to wear them. They also knew when to remove them. There was a certain hat etiquette that everyone followed. Generally, a man did not wear a hat indoors, and there were no exceptions, except in lobbies or hallways of office buildings. A man could keep his hat on in the elevator, except if a lady were present. A man never -- ever -- wore a hat in a movie, restaurant or concert theatre. Ever.  Under any circumstances.  Besides, hats were the reason that restaurants, theatres and concert halls had hat checks.  Men were supposed to check their hats at the door.  "May I take your hat, please?"

Sinatra knew how to wear hats. He knew he wasn't particularly attractive in the conventional sense.  He was sort of scrawny and he was not what anyone would call a matinée idol. But he had a certain je ne sais quoi because of his style.  The cigarette, the jaunty hat, the loosened tie -- it all added to his sex appeal.  Add to that a ballad about loss and longing "in the wee small hours of the morning", and he became irresistible.  Sinatra knew when to wear his hat, and he knew when to remove it.  That's style, baby.  That's sex appeal.

Will someone please explain baseball hats to me? Aside from automatically lowering a man's IQ points and making him look less attractive, a baseball hat also makes him look as if he hasn't had a shower for a few days. And when was the last time the hat was washed? *Shudder* Yesterday I went to two beautiful Christmas concerts, one for Marigold and one for Phinnaeus. In both instances, the audience was filled with men wearing baseball hats. Indoors. At a concert. The fellow in front of me was at least six feet two inches tall, with a baseball cap perched atop his head. His whole head filled the frame of the stage, and the baseball cap just ... well ... capped it off. All hope was lost of my ever being able to see Marigold's performance. When the young lady who was emceeing the concert said, "Please turn off your cell phones, your camera flash functions, etc...", I added -- rather audibly, through clenched teeth -- "And please remove your baseball caps...". I think my daughter was slightly embarrassed by my brashness, but in any case, the man in front of me slowly and deliberately reached up, took off his hat and placed it on the chair next to him. Phew. Now I could see Marigold.

How do men get so attached to their baseball hats?  Is there a moment when they first put one on and say, "From this point forward, this will forever be a part of my anatomy..." ? It's sort of like when you see a men chewing on a matchstick or a toothpick in the corner of his mouth.  Did he just one day decide to do it, and that was it?  Baseball cap - check; toothpick in mouth, check...

*Gross*

Men, if you're going to wear hats, at least learn some hat etiquette.  Please remove them when you are indoors.  Thank you.