Tomorrow would have been my wedding anniversary, but my husband was killed in a plane crash not long after we were married. Oh, it was a long time ago and we were very young. When I look back at it now, it almost appears that I am looking at someone else's life, not mine. The only regret I have is that my daughter was raised without a father. She was only four when her father died. Being a single parent is a challenge, but I know lots of excellent single parents. However, life was not always kind to single mothers. It was, and perhaps still is, one of the last bastions of discrimination. My mother-in-law, bless her heart, stole all of my money and much of my personal property, leaving my daughter and me to go through some struggles. But I prevailed, and fortunately my daughter was very bright and disciplined and she now has a university education.When I read about the
I see photographs of Heath Ledger's darling little girl, Matilda, and she looks exactly like him, but she will have no memory of him except for the roles he played in movies. As she gets older, I think she would gladly trade places with any of the children of divorce, just to be able to at least have a relationship with her father. Parents who deliberately keep a child away from the other parent because of petty jealousy are hurting not only the other parent, but more importantly they are hurting the child. It is incomparable selfishness, and I don't understand it. Who wins? Does anybody win? I don't think so. Even the vindictive parent eventually loses.My daughter and I are, to all intents and purposes, estranged because of the situation in which our lives found us. We are polite but distant. Very distant. So, I would advise everyone -- go and hug your children. If you're finding excuses to keep them away from the other parent, or aunts and uncles or grand parents -- stop. We don't own our children, we only borrow them for a little while.
56 comments:
JO? the darker the times, the brighter the light that will finally end that darkness. I am refering to your last paragraph. There are so many things age seems to overcome and one of those things is the need to win. This piece i see as a beginning.
I am reading this as I am getting my darling son ready to go see my ex's parents whom he sees quite often, as well as his biological father. There is a real history with his parents as they are prejudiced and disowned my ex because he married me and I am white (not their colour preference). Fast forward to my ex moving home after leaving me pregnant and alone. My darling son has serious health issues and my ex's mother is my biggest support (shocking). She is always there when I need her to take ds and has even sat with me at the hospital emergency room as he was being admitted. As much animosity as there is still remaining, ds never ever sees or hears it and will never see or hear it. We work together for him and as a result he feels safe and secure and like he is the kid and his parents are the grown-ups there to protect him. I think we all do the best we can with what we have and kudos to you for raising your daughter alone! A Daddy is important but so is a home where love surpasses the missing parent. I feel sadness for children who lose their parent to death and can remember it. But when so young, if they don't know what they are missing, do they miss it? Anywho, love your blog! You give me so many things to think about and talk with my Hubby about!
Jo, in the short time that I have been blogging here, it is you whom I have gotten to know the best/most, and it is you who make it easier for me to tell my story someday soon.
I am so very sorry to read of the estrangement between you and your daughter. I never had children due to life circumstances: I was the breadwinner for 14 years with my first husband while he wrote his doctoral dissertation and by the time I remarried later in life, having a child was not an option.
Children do indeed need a mom role model and a dad role model, and whereas it does happen that a one-parent situation can survive and thrive, it is not the ideal and not how one should purposely involve a child. I am so sorry that you and your daughter lost a husband and a father so early.
If I were there I would give you a hug, my first blog-world friend.
~Lorna
I hope that someday the relationship with your daughter heals. In the end, it doesn't matter if it does or not, only that you try.
You're right. We don't own our kids.
(Having none I'm not really qualified to speak, but....)
Not related to this as such but I was just on a memorial site to a girl who died at 15. She truly was a child who was 'borrowed' from God, cause she went back in the end. It was touching and sad seeing all the messages from her friends and family.
And sorry about your husband. Lorna is right, I too have gotten to know you well, and reading that was like a window into your soul.
I work for the Superior Court in California and there is a father that has a protest sign up. He sits in front of the court everday holding his sign "I have a right to see my child." He is a homeless man who has nothing better to do than sit outside with his sign. What does he have to offer his children? At this point in his life, not much, and it's not just about money. I think parenting is a privilege, not a right. We can all procreate but to actually be there to love, nuture and support our children, give them what they need, not what we need...not everyone knows how to do that. I see great bitterness in many divorces in the court and these people are only looking at what they want, not what's best for their kids. In the end, the children know who was right and who was just being difficult. They will decide for themselves. I have raised my kids as a single parent myself and by the grace of God we have a wonderful relationship. I wish with all my heart a reuniting for you and your daughter. You are such a wonderful person...it's often the adversity in life that makes us so much better. We can never regret, we must take our lessons and continue forward. I've certainly had my share of lessons to be learned. Thank you again for your beautiful post! You always make my day so much better :)
It saddens me when I read about children being kept from their parent. My husband is gone for two weeks at a time. Everyday my son asks if we are gonna go pick up daddy. It breaks my heart! So when daddy is home we are always with the kids. I want them to get as much time together as possible.
This people are selfish and cruel.
Oh Jo! I just loved your line "My mother-in-law, bless her heart (aka stick a hot poker in her eye!!), stole all of my money and much of my personal property..." Not that I think it's a funny situation but I loved the grace with which you phrased such a horrendous act.
My husband (as so many men do)has also had horrible child custody/visitation issues with his ex. To this day he does not see his daughter due to her mother and step-father's (and their families') viciousness toward him. All he ever wanted to do was to be part of her life and support her. They moved all the way across the country to start a new life with "their own" little family. How quaint. Just forget that the old father exists. Soon after they moved away (and long before we had met) he had a nervous breakdown and made some unwise decisions. It's taken him many years to get over things and build his life back up. While the ex took the child, she willingly left him with all the debt accumulated throughout their relationship. (They were never married.) So he had to file bankruptcy on top of everything else. Luckily he's in a much better place but is still afraid of what they would try to do if he initiated contact. He'll probably end up waiting until she's older. She's only 11 now. He hasn't seen her in 6 years. It hits him pretty hard every year at her birthday. But I firmly believe she will be back in his life one day, if they haven't completely poisoned her.
So sad about your estrangement,I am hoping that time will take care of it ---as it usually does. I love your view of the world! I just started blogging recently and find it very cathartic. Life is hard at times, but there is always something redeeming in even the most desperate of situations......
Very moving post !!! thanks.
thanks for sharing your thought,, i am a father of one cute little girl, hehe,, and you just made me realize more how should i love and take care of my daughter..
the sadness children feel growing up , seperated by no fault of their own, never really goes away. it takes on many forms and is often passed down through generations. life can be a very weird time. the learning part is forever and there are no right answers sometimes. take good care jo and keep on writing, jc
what a beautiful post heeding heartfelt advice- often I find people downplay both the discrimination about single parents, in particular mothers,and the challenges both the parent and child faces. Thankfully we have a new role model in Obama. I witnessed and tried to support both parents and children during my practice as a pediatrician- I found a book called Co-Parenting, which immediately highlighted the need to recognize the dangers of using the child as the pawn. In their eyes the children of various ages felt culpable- despite reassurances. thanks for sharing and keep writing-love your title.
We are estranged from our daughter and son-in-law and haven't seen our dear grandchildren for 2 years. It's heartbreaking.
Sad that you lost people and relationships with ones close to you - but look at you - you haven't lost compassion for people who are going through a hard time!
I remember a friend's father dying in a motorbike accident when we were maybe 6 years old, I will be 21 this year, and each year the date haunts me. I believe this is one of the reasons I believe it not to be right for sole custody, even if visitation rights mean that they have to have someone with them. Sad but unfortunately in this world true.
You are so right, we lost our eldest son three years ago, and I know how we do only have our kids a very short time, and when we lost him, it wasn't just us that felt that loss, he mattered so much to family, friends, teachers. the best thing we can do is lovingly share our children so we can all experience their love. It would have been easy to keep him to ourselves, but that would have been an injustice to him and everyone else who knows him.
Parents often forget that its about the kids. our son was loved by so many, and grew from that. if only parents would stop, forget themselves and their own agenda's, there would be many happier kids in teh world i'm sure.
Jo, thank you for sharing your story and thoughts on children's needs. It was very moving.
I can't imagaine the pain you must have lived through after losing your husband in a plane crash. And there you have such a beautiful airplane painting. I lost my best friend in a train crash many years ago, but I never forget. Everytime I see or hear a train I think of him.
I can't stand to see such selfishness, when it comes to children! I raised my daughter since she was 3, and I never kept her from her Mother. It never crossed my mind. I wanted my daughter to be happy and seeing her Mother and that part of the family made her happy. But I know many, many selfish, evil, lying people that think they own their children and some grandparents as well. It makes my blood boil just to think about it.
I hope your post will have a positive impact on someone, even one person. I think it will, so thank you again.
My daughter has been divorced for about 7 years and has a 9 year old daughter. Her ex husband, who is a drunk and a drug addict, rarely sees his daughter but that's because he only cares about himself. He walked out and told her that he would see her every weekend...that lasted about two months and then he would blow off his visits or show up drunk. The divorce papers said that he couldn't be with her if he was drinking, so he didn't bother to show up most of the time.
He also NEVER paid child support, so my daughter had to support her on her own. My daughter never kept her daughter from him, but she only allowed supervised visits because he couldn't be trusted.
I have to give her credit because she continues to allow him visits with her and has done all she could to allow them to have a relationship. This hasn't been easy on my granddaughter who has been in therapy for four years because she can't understand what SHE did wrong and why her dad doesn't want to visit her.
Sometimes in a divorce, IMO, it's not a good idea to allow the dad visitation because they could do more harm than good, especially when they tell their kids they will visit them, and never show up. It teaches the kids that they can't trust their parents or they may follow with the same behavior pattern when they grow up and have kids.
It's very complicated...not always cut and dry.
Wow. As usual Jo, you cut directly to the heart of the matter. No wonder you seem like such a wise and good woman - you've endured trial by fire. My precious daughter and I have also been at odds since she passed the age of 15 or so. I love her deeply, but she doesn't make it easy, I'll tell you. Here's hoping yours finds her way back to you because she'll be missing out on a great mom if she doesn't.
Jo, I forgot to say I hope and pray you and your daughter will reconcile someday soon. I'm sure you realize that some people, even our grown children change over the years for one reason or circumstance beyond our control. Then they are never the same.
And I'm sure you also know, life must go on. We can't sit by the phone hoping it will ring or constantly watch out our windows hoping they will drive up. Life goes on, and we learn and grow.
You don't need any advice, not trying to give any, just wanted to say you're an inspiration to so many people. You've been through so much and it has just made you stronger.
Jo,
I read your blog every day and I love it! My only complaint is when you miss a day!!
I, too, have just one child, a son. I cannot imagine being estranged from him and his family....my sweet little grandson and DIL. I hope things will resolve themselves one day, you seem like such a wonderful person.
Iam sorry to hear of your widowhood and that you are now estranged from your daughter. I hope that will change for both of your sakes.
Well said, Jo. I don't have any kids myself. However, I think you're right on the money.
I lost my dear sister in a plane crash last July. Unbelievable to think I'll never see her again, she was like my own child in many ways and I hers. There are so many regrets.
Lovely post, Jo. Thanks for sharing this story. I couldn't agree more with your thoughts about children and parents.
Thanks too for your comment on my recent post about my late husband. My widowhood is more recent but I hear you totally about it seeming in many ways like another life (which, sadly, it was).
I wish you and your daughter both all the best.
A big hug from Sydney.
You have lived through so much, Jo. Being a young widow must have been very hard. My own mother died when I was six, so I think I can kind of understand what you must have gone through. I was not easy to raise, and was often hard on the father I loved so much. But sometimes young people don't really understand what a parent sacrifices for them until later in life. Especially when they are the only parent raising them. I know I didn't.
As for parents and in-laws that use their power/energy for ill will - well, - what goes around, comes around. Some things you pay for later, you know?
Josie, I had no idea that's what happened to your husband. Oh, you poor thing! That plus what your MIL did must have really tested you. I suppose that is why you are such an incredibly strong woman now. You know I have daughter issues, too, and it hurts. I've always dreamed of having a close relationship with my girl, but with her issues, well, she's going to have to want a relationship with me. You may have read my post Beautiful Girl, in which I described the latest issues she's having. They can break our hearts like no one else, can't they?
Much affection - D
I also lost my husband six years into our marriage. It is becoming more and more of a past life, and a past "me." We didnt' have children so I comment on those aspects.
Jo- That was a very moving story. In a way, very romantic. Did you, (if you don't mind me asking) ever find love again?
My husband and his Mother haven't spoken in years. It's a sad story, with both of them to blame. She was diagonised with breast cancer a few years ago. When I told him, he didn't believe the story, saying she had "pulled a stunt" like that before, to get revenge on her ex husband, Seans father. I get an email from her whenever she feels the need to express her displeasure in her son, but I wouldn't dare tell him that. I'm just afraid she will pass on and he will have regreted not making amends with her.
i just started reading you so i went back in time to read some more......very interesting. i like your approach to things. thanks for dropping into my words....jc
I see a lot of this working where I do, in education. Jo, this was an excellent post. Bravo.
Jo, thank you for sharing a bit of your life. You have much to share. I read your comment over a The Pink Cowboy today and thought, I couldn't agree with you more. And for a 876 (?!)year old, you have a lot of wisdom to share.
So sorry to hear about your daughter's emotional distance. I hope the situation will be resolved. My own mother and I had a difficult time for a while, but we were able to become close again. Thankfully so, because she was tragically murdered. At Oasis, I wrote about how difficult it is to share personal stories and here I see that you are doing the same. I support you 100%! <3
I know little about parenting but have read about its many dimesions. No we do not own our children, and they are giftrs from God and many parents have abused that gift using children fore ulterior ends. June 15 2006 there was a public radio broadcast on the spirituality of parenting which I found quite enlightening and would like to share it with you. It's an mp3 brought out by "Speaking of Faith"
Forgiveness, Amicableness and Love will be the solution I think...
I'm sorry for your losses - of your husband and your estrangement with your daughter. You're right about the importance of the parental roles. I'm one of the lucky ones who gets along very well with my ex. We've remained good friends through the years which benefits our kids and ourselves. Thanks for sharing this, Jo.
... enjoying your blog!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and past experiences. We all learn so much from each other. Today I saw that you are a lady of extraordinary courage. You moved on with your life after the loss of your husband and you raised your child all by yourself. Amazing! I do hope you and your daughter reconcile.
Posts like this make me realize how fortunate we are and the support we get from our blogging friends. We are a community of bloggers.
Personally, I believe the woman who had those octuplets when she's on disability and unmarried committed a criminal act. Children are not something to show off. You've got to get your hands dirty every day taking care of them.
Jo, you shared a bit of your life's story on this blog to make a statement that both parents play important roles in the lives of their children. By saying 'I am sorry to hear your story' would be too cliche'd considering how much effert you put into just moving on with life, without the support of your mate. And after all those sacrifices, it's awful that the bond you share with your only child is not the strongest. What hurts most is that one day she will regret the estrangement; I only hope it will not be too late.
My understanding about relationships has disillusioned me in life. I dont know if you had a chance to read some of my posts about relationships in my blog 'aashyana.blogspot.com'. I wish you do some day.
As for Nadya Suleman's irresponsible act - she needs to be stopped immediately.
Before the teen age years there is hope; after that...well there is blood.
Sigh.... I only wish my daughter's father took even a little interest in being part of her life. Silly man. He has no idea how much joy he's depriving himself of
Great post today. The statement at the end is oh so true.
i have been crying the whole day and thinking if really marriage is a healthy relationship at all and now that you yearn for ur relationship with ur husband, im thinking i must re track my differences with this man.the thought of staying single comes handy.
your blogshere just came at the right time, as usual thanks
Goodness... looks like I am checking in at about #46 or #62 or #91 or something (!). You DO have a following and that speaks volumes about the quality of your posts! Keep them coming!!
I can't say anything about this situation that has not been shared already. It is sad, in my opinion, that something like this occurs.
When I was working as a lawyer I did lots of divorces. Often I would think it was too bad such and such a person was a parent as so often they were so bad or self centered. Quite often the men were jumping from one bed to another and/or going from one bar to another....
I did come across my share of horrible mothers, too. One woman met her "at the moment" boyfriend at a strip bar - should I say exotic dancing establishment?! - and told her 11-year old son to drive himself and his 3 siblings home -- which was 12 miles away! The boy drove the car into a ditch about 500 yards down the road but the mother was inside the bar getting drunk...
She not only lost custody of her children but went to prison. THEN she claimed she had been framed by a corrupt justice system. Go figure...!
Well, I am taking up too much space. Take care!
Fortunately, of my numerous relatives (15 aunts and uncles more than half of whom have families) there have been only two cases of divorce, both the result of infidelity. Besides those cases I also know the inside story behind a number of other families who suffered a divorce. I also know of a few cases of mutual separation.
There is a distinct difference between the divorce cases and the separations, the divorce cases were ultimately due to selfishness and the separations came after the couple sacrificed their personal sentiments until the family had been taken care of. This, I think, is one of the fundamental problems with society today, we think first of our own desires and satisfaction before considering the effects upon others and society in general.
Contemporary society fosters instant gratification and selfishness. Families can't survive if the principle members are seeking their own good over the good of the family.
Thank you for your great insight on this topic.
Leilani, omigosh, what a lovely way to express that. Yes!
JustBreathe, what a lovely story. After my husband died, his parents disappeared into the woodwork for many years. So I am so happy to read your story!
Lorna, yes, it's funny how people can become friends on the blogs, isn't it? I do feel that connection too, and I loved looking through your family picture book!
Leah, well, we are distantly polite, and that is probably the best it will ever get for either of us.
Greenpanda, oh, gosh, what a sad story. It's like John Travola's son. He said he was glad to have had him for such a little while. Thank you for your lovely comments.
ChicGeek, oh yes, there are parents who definitely do not deserve to have a relationship with their children. I agree completely! But for the most part I think most parents are decent, and they love their children, and sometimes they are being kept apart by the other parent. It makes me sad.
Nicole, oh gosh! I remember when I was a little girl, I would get physically ill if I had to be away from my Mom or my Dad. It sounds like you have a wonderful family!
Avril, you know, I have heard that same story so often. And the isolated parent becomes stressed and ill, and then the other parent says, "See? I told you!" I'm glad he has you in his life now. :-)
Kathy, yes, blogging is very cathartic. It's like a daily on-line journal that you share with the world. And you will meet tons(!!!) of great people!
DUTA, thank you!
Andrew, oh yes. If that is her picture, she looks adorable! :-)
Jackc50, ...it takes on many forms and is often passed down through generations." That is so, so, so true!!!
DancingDocDesign, yes, Obama was the child of a single parent family, and he grew up to be President. My daughter mentioned that to me. It is true!
Poutalicious, oh gosh! At least I have a wonderful relationship with my munchkins. I am very happy about that. I feel so sad for you! I hope it works out okay. Please keep us posted.
Jeanette, oh, yes, I think going through hard times actually makes us more empathetic, doesn't it? I hope so, anyway.
Sammi, when I was a little girl, my best friend's father died too. She grew up to be fairly "wild" and I still remember her too. What might have been...
Sally, I am so sorry to hear about your losing your son. That must have been devastating. And I agree, children should be loved by as many people as possible!
John, you sound like a wonderful father. I'm sorry to hear of your losing your best friend. It's always hard to take. And yes, I think your daughter will thank you that she was able to have a good relationship with her mother. Definitely! And, oh, goodness yes, I have always lived my own life, and I have always been very proactive about living my life. :-)
Mary Ellen, oh yes, I have seen that situation too. Many times. It's very difficult for the child, and heartbreaking for the mother. It sounds as if your daughter is a very strong, determined person. Little kids think they are to blame for everything, don't they? It's so sad.
DeeDee, I'm sorry to hear you and your daughter are at odds. I know so many people in the same situation, it just boggles the mind.
Sandy, well, I have a good relationship with the munchkins, and my daughter and I are polite, but definitely not close.
Kenju, well, sometimes things don't change, but we learn to accept them. I did ages ago.
SweetPeaSurry, well, we really only borrow our children, anyway.
Jane, oh God, how horrible! I am so sorry! Try not to have regrets, and just remember the good things.
Carolyn, yes, I do believe we live many lives throughout our one life. Definitely!
LoverOfLife, "sometimes young people don't really understand what a parent sacrifices for them until later in life. Especially when they are the only parent raising them." Oh, yes!
RiverPoet, I read your post about your beautiful daughter, and it broke my heart. Thankfully I have not had to deal with those things. Hopefully your daughter will get well soon. I hope so!
BoutiqueByBonnie, yes the past fades far into the distance, doesn't it? And it becomes another lifetime.
Arley, that is so sad. Sometimes it is the families that are the most distant that have the most regrets. I have seen that happen.
CountryGirl, yes I would imagine working with children, you do see a lot of things. Gosh!
Cynthia, omigod! How horrible! But how fortunate that you were able to reconcile with your mother before that happened. We just never know, do we?
Edward, I will check that out. And yes, it is very easy for parents to get tired and frustrated, especially after working all day. In most families, both parents have to work just to keep up expenses. It's hard!
Nomore, "Forgiveness, Amicableness and Love will be the solution I think..." I love that!
Hilary, you are indeed one of the lucky ones. And it's lucky for your children, too. It would be nice if everyone could be that way. :-)
Steve, thank you! :-)
PinkCowboy, yes, it's amazing how much bloggers are alike. The more blogs I read, the more I realize that, now matter where we live, we are all the same. And we can understand each other's situations.
Charles, I agree with you completely. I wonder why someone didn't figure that out before she had 14(!!!) children.
Introspection, yes, I agree, there is nothing worse than regret -- too late. I am going to be visiting all of your folks today, finally (!!!) and I look forward to reading your posts.
Mark, yes. Things seem to turn on a dime in the teenage years, don't they?
XUP, it breaks my heart when I read about stories like yours. What the hell is wrong with a man who would do that!?
Firefly, oh, yes. Enjoy your little munchkins now. Anyway, I know you do. :-)
Dithunya, gosh, I'm sorry to hear you are going through a rough time. I am the last person to give anyone advice. But if he makes you cry, is he good for you?
Russell, omigod! I hope that woman never gets a chance to raise her children again. Can you even imagine telling an 11 year-old child to drive home in the car? That's just unbelievable! I'm glad she ended up in jail...!
A Borg, "Contemporary society fosters instant gratification and selfishness. Families can't survive if the principle members are seeking their own good over the good of the family." Omigosh, yes!
I think this was very well said Jo,I can't add any more comment
I read this shortly after you posted it yesterday and it brought me to tears.
I became a single parent when my daughter was two (her dad is alcoholic and gay). The hardest thing I had to do was walk away. I refused to deny him access or "nail his balls to the wall" as my lawyer suggested. Even so he took everything and denied more...never paying support or visiting when he promised.
I was by no means a saint through all this. I was abandoned by both my parents, my grandparents and lost my three younger siblings at six. I know what it is like to not have your family in your life so I did the best I knew how. I created a strong extended family with good role models and worked hard to give her a life I never had. She has done well and grown into a fine young woman.
However we have struggled with our relationship since her late teens. She has graduated university, has a career, is married, her dad is back in her life and we are estranged.
I try to move on and hope that she/we(because it is never just one) will come to our senses but it is a struggle.
Thank you for sharing and for your grace.
Blessings and hugs
Hi JO:I agree that single parents are more likley to be discriminated against if they are women.To be left without a husband and having to raise a child on your own must have been very difficult but you are a strong person as can be seen from your blog especially having to cope with the emotional distance between you and your daughter,I hope some day that distance can evaporate and bring you closer together.You have made many friends through your blog and I would like to think that I am one of them.
I have been married twice. My first husband and I had 3 beautiful girls. After 7 years of marriage Ours was not meant to stay together thru difference between. When my 1st husband married again his wife did not want any children so within 2 years he was estranged from his girls. So when I married my second husband he took over the role of father. They love him so much. And even though he was not there blood father he was there father in every since of the word. When my daughters were in there late 20's there real father came back into there lifes and they accepted them with welcome arms. My girls love there real father and forgave him for leaving them but they still call there step father dad and when they need any help they call on him. We are very lucky because all three of our daughters live here in town so we get to spend alot of time with them and our grandchildren. So I guess I want to say time heals everything!!!! your will see.
jo, i hope you and your daughter will soon be closer (: life is too short...don't let this be a regret...
I am sorry you had to go trough such a terrible time with a small child and what your mother in law did was, I just have no words for that... :(
Still, I am glad you were able to give your daughter a great education.
Your daughter is lucky to have such a strong mum, not everyone of us can say that.
I hope for you, that with time your daughter and you will grow closer again.
Hey you know what movie they played on TCM (or somthing) a couple of weeks ago...Picnic!That's probably my most favourite movie,and I know you like it too! That scene with Willam Holden and Kim Novak dancing is pretty much the best movie scene ever! We're not that estranged!
Your allusion to the bird-brained woman with 14 children brings another topic to mind. What does society do when a woman who is obviously mentally impaired wants to propogate? This woman should have had her tubes tied a long time ago. This is an incredible burden on society which she has laid at our feet. What can a communty do to prevent such travesty?
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