Q: How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eight. One to turn the bulb, one for support, one to bake some cookies, and five to relate to the experience.
Why is it that when a group of women get together, they start to have a pack mentality? Oh, come on now, I'm a woman and I know. What is a group of women called? A gaggle? A flock?
... A coven?
We have a garbage shed that has a bolt and lock on it -- don't ask me why, it's just a garbage shed -- and whenever I slide the bolt closed I manage to slice my finger open on a sharp piece of metal. Oh, trust me, I don't do it on purpose. It's quite painful, and I usually end up bleeding all over my clothing. This has been going on since last summer and I mentioned it to one of the council members. Nothing was done. I have lived here for 11 years -- this month -- and I have never seen anything as ridiculous as a lock on a garbage shed. They can't seem to prevent people from breaking in through the parking garage because it's a free and easy access, but they put a lock on the garbage shed. On Friday morning I cut my finger again -- very badly -- trying to close the bolt. I e-mailed my friend on the council, and a conversation ensued.
Me: "Hi, Mary, that #&!$*^! lock sliced my finger open again. That's about the 8th time now. I can't understand why this isn't happening to anyone else, but of course it seems to be only me. I'm not going to struggle with the lock anymore until it's fixed."
Mary: "Hi Jo, I am recovering from a very bad bout of pain at the moment, so I will forward this to Molly, the president of the council. she can let the appropriate authorities know. I don't think anyone else has reported it doing this as far as I know. I'm sorry to hear it is so aggravating and causing you injuries. I find I have to put my garbage down, handle the lock with two hands and then throw out the garbage and then close the lock."
(Copies of the e-mail went to Martha, Marion, Margaret and Melania, all of whom are on the council.)
Me: "Hi, Mary, sorry to hear you are not feeling well. Please let me know if there is anything I can do."
Melania: "Jo, I'm not very good with my hands at all but I have found a way that works really well for me. I thought I'd share it with you, giving you all the details so nobody gets hurt anymore. I insert the key in the padlock and leave it there during the whole operation. I twist the key to open the padlock, slide the lock, open the door, throw the garbage, close the door, relock the padlock and only then remove the key."
Me: "Melania, thank you! I'll try that."
Molly: "Hi Jo, could you please contact me at 604-xxx-0000. Since there hasn't been other complaints I think it is best you and I go have a look and you can show me the problem spot."
Mary: "Molly, Jo did complain to me personally before, via email. I went down with her and looked at the bolt and she showed me where it was a problem. I suggested at that time that how she might open in more safely. However, I guess it's still a problem and now it is definitely time to get any edges filed."
(Don't you just love that word "complain"? I'm bleeding all over my brand-new white blouse because the sharp metal edge on the bolt has sliced my finger open -- again -- but I shouldn't complain...)
Martha: "Hi, everyone, I went out tonight and applied WD-40 to the bolt and lock. I also squirted graphite into the lock to hopefully help it lock easier. I tried covering the offending sharp pieces with electrical tape but the tape didn't like the WD-40. Perhaps some duct tape would provide coverage and would stick better until such time as we can get the metal filed? I don't have any but if someone does and wants to leave it by my door I can try again."
Me: "Martha, thank you! Perhaps even oiling it a bit so it slides more easily might help. I find I have to really jam the bolt back into place, and I slice my finger almost every time. It just heals, and ... there we go again."
Molly: "I didn't hear from Jo last night, as I expected to hear from her. The WD 40 is good, that is what I used when the lock was all rusted earlier this year. Marion and Martha, thank you for being willing to file, that saves the strata a handyman bill which we don't need now. I looked at the lock and still have a problem seeing how the cuts happen, and what needs to be filed. I was hoping Jo would have showed me."
Me: "Sorry, Molly, after Mary sent you the e-mail about having talked to me last summer, I didn't think I needed to contact you. It is turning into a huge deal, so please ignore my request to have it fixed. My apologies for having caused so much trouble...!"
Oh, lord-luv-a-duck ... a man would have just gone out and fixed it. Women do everything by committee, and they can't seem to do anything without getting personalities involved. Sorry, women, but you know this is true. The next time I slice open my finger, I'm sending the council my #&!$*^! dry-cleaning bill.