Thursday, March 5, 2009

Why Can't People Leave Well Enough Alone!?

I believe that we all come into this world the same way -- with innocence. We may be genetically predisposed to certain traits, but most of the things that form us are things that happen to us along the way. Most of us are decent people. I was born in a small town on Vancouver Island, and I was raised in a very conventional way by conventional parents. We were very middle class, and we did not have a lot of money. As a child, I used to imagine how my life would be when I grew up. I supposed that it might not turn out quite as I had imagined, but I never would have believed it would turn out the way it has.

Without going into great, lengthy details, it would appear that I am now having to go to battle *sigh* in order to have a continuing relationship with my two beautiful grandchildren, whom I love dearly, and who love me. Why do some people have to be so consumed with jealousy and pettiness and resentment!?

Somehow, in my heart I am still this little pudding-faced girl, waiting for my life to happen. It certainly was not supposed to work out this way. I am going to go away for the next few days to try to sort things out in my mind.

38 comments:

Firefly said...

In some way we are very alike. In my mind I am still you and planning life as well. I look at people who grew up with me and think how we don't look like when we were in school anymore and I get sad. You have all these expectations of life and things turn out differently. I am in my early thirties so I can still change a lot to my life, but often I think I should have been able to start earlier.

I wish you luck with the time you have to spent with yourself. I need some major "me" time to get some thoughts in order as well, but can't at the moment. I will be thinking of you.

Jo said...

Firefly, thank you. You know, I think of my mother so often, and how much she loved South Africa, and all the wonderful stories she told me about South Africa. I miss her so much, and I think she would be so sad to see what has happened to my life. But, as she used to say, "This too shall pass..." :-)

A human kind of human said...

Life is what happens to us while we are planning our futures! Oh, Jo, I wish I could help or comfort you in some way, but, alas, your help and comfort are inside you and you alone can find it - harsh but so true. (Speaking from experience). What I can say is that in spirit, you are not alone in this. I am sure that all your followers are rooting for you and I hope your alone time will bring you some answers.

Merisi said...

That kind of embarrassing moment is hard to beat. Infact, I wouldn't mind it happening to me. ;-)

Love the song too!

Congratulations on David's POD award!

meggie said...

Oh, I cannot begin to feel your pain! I am so lucky to have unlimited access to my grandchildren. I just think, life is too short for such petty vindictiveness.
Hugs from meXXXXXX

mrsnesbitt said...

people are strange, others are odd, some actions are pointless yet so hurtful. One day your grandchildren will be old enough to choose and they will know where to find a lovely grandma.
Dxx

Veronica said...

My heart dropped when I read this. I'm so, so sad and sorry that you have to endure this... but I too believe that this will pass. It's 'just' the getting through it that is so bloody. Hugs to you, Vxx

KathyB. said...

From the few posts you have written about your grandchildren I suspect they will search you out as they get older, should they actually be prevented from seeing you. Grandchildren do grow up rather quickly....I found relatives withheld from me as a child....and as young adults, they are quite able to see truth and make fair assessment of people. Just keep yourself free of any bitterness and anger so you're not emotionally crippled when you do get to see them.

This makes me sad, but your grief must be painful.

Sally's World said...

No, life never turns out how we expect does it! i'm sorry that you are having trouble having contact with your grandchildren, people can be so vindictive, i hate when people use children in this way, in the long run, its not you they are punishing, but their own children as well...

i wish you luck, and i'm sure your grandchildren know you love them, they wont forget that...

budh.aaah said...

Hope you find peace within Jo and solutions outside when you are back. All the best.

Star said...

Hello, I have to read your other posts to find out why you are having problems with seeing your grandchildren. Relationships do seem to be more difficult these days, when distances can keep us apart from the ones we love. Whether it be distance in miles or feelings, it amounts to the same, doesn't it. I can empathise to a degree. I have three sons and their partners. I don't seem to have the same relationship with the girls as I did with my own mother-in-law and I don't know why. They seem to keep themselves to themselves these days or they are busy or just not interested. Also, the girls seem to want to be with their own mothers and families, instead of their spouse's. I sometimes feel I have lost my sons, but not gained any daughters. I am thinking of you. Like your mum says, things change!
Blessings, Star

Alissa said...

I hope that you are able to find some peace as you sort things out. Your grandchildren are very fortunate to have such a kind, thoughtful grandmother. I'm sure that they will have the chance to see what a wonderful person you are, but it is not fair that things are so difficult for them and for you right now. Hang in there.

greenpanda said...

No one should have to battle to see their own family, especially if they love them as much as I can tell you do. I'm sorry, and I hope you are able to see them as you'd like, sooner rather than later.
I won't ask why, or pry into your personal life, but it strikes me odd that anyone would want to not know such a wonderful person as yourself.

Carl said...

Good luck dealing with everything. Come back soon.

Avril Fleur said...

Oh Jo! I am so sorry to hear that. Sending blessings your way and praying that it all works out for your and your grandkids. How awful it would be for them to not have you in their lives. You're a lovely person, it shines through in your writing so I know you must exude it a hundred times more in person. Best of luck!

Andrea said...

Take your time sorting things out. Afterall, you still ARE that "pudding-faced girl." Our own hopes and dreams never fade.

introspection said...

I am going to be a grandma soon. But my own daughters who grew up with their aunts and uncles (in my side of family) are not allowed to meet them now. They love their aunts/uncles dealy but have to sneak out, make excuses or be adamant if they feel like visiting them; and my children do it bcoz they love them. Pettiness and jelousy are not lasting barriers for young and determined people. So relax Jo, they will seek out their grandma pretty soon.
I miss my mother a lot too. I know for sure she never imagined that my life would turn out the way it has. Some times I think it is good for her that she died soon; or she would'nt be able to deal with the way things have been for me.
Sending out prayers and blessings for your happiness & peace.

DUTA said...

I haven't known any of my grandparents and that's a big vacuum in one's life. Your grandchildren do not deserve 'to taste' that vacuum. I believe God will find the way to straighten up things for you and them.

Hilary said...

Jo, I'm sorry for what you're going through. I hope it works out for you and your grandchildren. Sending best thoughts your way.

Deb said...

Jo,

I wish you luck, I know it must be tearing you up, hopefully your daughter will come around.

Carla said...

I'm sorry. I wish you luck in getting it all straightened out.

Arley said...

Jo- I'm very sorry that you have to go through this. My Mother had to do the same to see my daughter. (Her father has custody of her, I'm not even allowed to see her). It's a long battle, but with strength and support from all your extended family here on Blogger, I am sure you will win. In the United States, there is something called the Grandparents Clause, so long as the Grandparents have had an active healthy relationship with the child, they have every right to see that child, court ordered. I do hope they have something like that in Canada! Best of luck to you!! We love you Jo!!

ivan said...

Going away. We are all going away. He/she/it is going away.
Taking a trip myself.
Over here, too late to button and unbutton the coat of many cholers, but the coat has, most times, kept the rain and snow off.
I was born into depression and W.W.II. Never enough to eat, stalked by Nazis. Avoiding execution by mistake...Wrong family, he Colonel had said.
Life in Dislaced Persons camps.They are stealing our CARE packages. D.P. camp neuroses.
Arriving in Canada as a kid, going to schools, attracted still, somehow to uniforms. Joining Air Force, getting a DVA education.
University, marriage. And how right our Alistair MacLeod was about getting an education.
"I guess in some ways it is good not to go to school.
"I could never see myself being owned by my woman's family."
Owned by my woman's family, I was suddenly in the upper middle class.
"People can't afford a house? That's not your problem. Your class doesn't have that problem.
The system grinds them all up. You will not be ground up."

Dropped into a potato field in the Ukraine, Low expectations. No expectations. Promoted to Teaching Master in english. How come? I couldn't even speak the language thirty years before.

Dropped on a potato field. Low expecatins. Ah doing the swan thing with Leda.
Noveau riche. All the excesses of he noveaus riches-- world travel, drinking oneself stupid-- doesn't everybody?
No innocent child, I. The future during the war seemed not to exist. But there was a tao.
Things somehow worked in opposites.
Alistair MacLean again: "I could never see myself being owned by my woman's family."
I was owned; but wouldn't you?

The new academic papter financed by the family. The new Chevelle supplied by the family. But you had to be off to the college, Professor. Can't be in this family without bringing any money in.

Ah the bourgeois social contract. Didn't see that one coming. Should have been rich forever.
Up into the upper mddle class. The warrior class. Cut up by academic swords so badly one year I ended up in hospital, staring at my big toe. Like Burroughs.
'What's it all about, Alfie?
Wife becomes liberated, takes night classes. Wants to be like the others. Wantws to be "liberated". Wants to be in the House of the Rising Sun.
Professor having trouble on the job, competition in academe is so intense because the stakes are so low. Kill ya. We can hurt you!
Trouble on the job. Trouble in the family.

Do a lateral arabesque and teach in Mexico. Oh-oh. Rose's Cantina.
I had been, I suppe, Josie, where you were meant to be...But, noveau riche. Noveau riche excesses by by me and my woman.
We had it handed to us on a plate and we blew it.
Nveau riche. Son of biche.
Well, now it ist he other side.
Old Spinoza. Conatus sese preservandi. Self preservation. Law of he jungle.
King David not knowing he was in a script.

It is the other side now. The trick was not achievement but self-preservation. That was the lesson.
One is on the other side. What was that noise all about?
Think I'll take another trip.

Lover of Life said...

Oh Jo, I ams so sorry about your relationships with your daughter and grandchildren. Good luck with straightening it out. I hope, for your grandchildren's sake it ends with you in their lives. In our family science classes, grandparents were stressed as being a stabilizing force in children's lives. If it is a good one, it makes all the difference.

Carolyn said...

Blessings and hugs and smiles.

Judi said...

Sending positive thoughts your way.
Judi

TheChicGeek said...

Quiet reflection always helps us to see things clearly. I wish you well in your thoughts and decisions.
Have a Beautiful Weekend!

leilani said...

Jo.. wise words from chicgeek !! you know Jo, there is NOTHING we can do about others decisions, only ours. My words to you Jo are just let it go... breath deep and let it go. Your grandchildren will one day be adults.

Deedee said...

Sorry you have to endure such an awful thing- But as many others here have said, when the children are old enough to choose they will undoubtedly choose to have a relationship with you. It's sad that their parent(s) would go to such lengths to deliberately cause such hurt, not only to you, but also to them.

jackc50 said...

it is not just the children who get hurt in these situations, everybody loses. hope all turns out well with your trip. you deserve better, take good care, jc

Just Breathe said...

Please take care. I will miss you!

Faithful said...

I too am sorry you are in light of missing time with your beautiful grandchildren... I know what a joy they bring. I believe if you keep you head in tune with your heart, your good energy (actions) will lead your grandchildren back to you. "Note the negative emotion that others create, identify with it, but don't let the the pain control you or renew itself. It will lose its energy." This helps me get thru my hard days. Good luck!

Kym said...

Jo...take as long as you need to sort out your thoughts, we will all be here for you when you get back...In the meantime, we will be thinking of you and sending peace your way...

Paula Slade said...

Jo, I am so sorry. The bond between a grandparent and grandchild is a treasured link to the past and future that should not be broken. I do hope there will be enlightenment on the parent's side.
Take care and have faith.

jozey said...

so its not just me, it feels good to know there are others like me...

Charles Gramlich said...

I'm sorry I missed this post. I would have wished you well. I see that you are feeling a bit better with your latest post, however, so I'm glad to hear that.

Country Girl said...

I, too, am sorry that I missed this post. Wishing you well regardless. You have had your ups and downs with that one.

Mona said...

good luck jo and i hope things work out the best (: