Wednesday, August 5, 2009

What Would Deborah Kerr Do...?

Deborah Kerr was a classy broad, and she loved it when people referred to her that way. She was beautiful and elegant, but she could also tell a good, bawdy joke and all her male co-stars fell in love with her. Deborah Kerr has always been my hero, and whenever I am in a questionable situation, I always ask myself, "What would Deborah Kerr do...?" When I was a little girl, my mother always used to tell me that no matter what a woman does, she should never be "common" or "tacky", and although I am far from perfect -- far from it -- I try always to follow that advice.

I feel powerless when I see folks I care about embarrassing themselves. I want to say to them, "Would Deborah Kerr do that...?" But I can't say anything. I have to sit and watch -- like watching a slow train wreck. It's not my place to tell them that, perhaps, they should reel it in a little bit. *sigh* Everyone is different, but as long as people's hearts are in the right place, that's all that counts. We can watch the people we care about guilelessly carry on just as they are, and we can just shut up and love them anyway. That's what Deborah Kerr would do.


Land of shimp said...

Deborah Kerr certainly was lovely and she had this sort of practical elegance about her, if that makes any sense. She was beautiful, and elegant, but also seemed to be able to dwell in the real world. She was no hot house flower.

It is hard to see people we love stumbling, or acting in a way that doesn't best help a situation. Acting in a way that is unworthy of them. Of course, the thing is they aren't aware of it, just as we aren't aware of the things we do. We're all sometimes a bit ridiculous, or mulish at times.

Sometimes we love the people around us despite their shortcoming, and are loved in the same way in return. Admittedly without that particular shortcoming, they'd be an altered version of themselves, so I guess we love people, in part, because of their shortcomings also. It makes them who they are, the people we love.

I used to know a man who is a shaman, I haven't seen him in years but he was a fascinating person. He told me that in difficult situations we have a choice to access our better selves. That our better self is always there, but sometimes it is so challenged that we have to make a conscious choice to find it, consult it, and act upon it.

I really liked that concept. It isn't turning to an exterior force, or teacher, but trusting in the good within us to help guide us.

I think when we admire others, we see in them things we would hope to have in ourselves and we can gave those things through active choice. Sometimes when we are embarrassed by others, we see in them things we very much fear we have in ourselves, too.

I think the best we can do is have patience with the shortcomings of others, try to recognize our own, and keep plenty of chocolate on hand just in case.

Russell said...

You ask yourself "what would Deborah Kerr do?" Hmmm.... Well, um, if we pretended, I could pretend I were Burt Lancaster and you were Deborah Kerr and we were doing From Here to Eternity and we were on the beach and, well, uh..... !!! Let's say that scene would need to be done many, many times to get it just right! Heh!!

Regardless, you are certainly never tacky and far, far from common! We don't have to pretend about that!!

Marguerite said...

I know exactly what you're talking about, Jo. I sometimes marvel over the way that some people make utter fools of themselves. But as you say, "as long as people's hearts are in the right place", live and let live! I think that Deborah Kerr would agree, too.

Jo said...

Land of Shimp, "Sometimes when we are embarrassed by others, we see in them things we very much fear we have in ourselves, too." Oh, yes. What a fabulous comment. It is so true. We blush for ourselves, when we see our friends doing embarrassing things.

Russell, *chuckle* You just made my day. *heh*

Marguerite, yes, the important thing is if people are doing things with no malcontent.

The Bug said...

That Russell is such a cut-up!

Whitney Lee said...

I would have to agree with Land of shimp. I am most often irritated with behavior in others that mirrors some of my less attractive thoughts or actions. I have learned to welcome those times as an opportunity to hold a mirror up to myself.
And I love the concept of "What would Deborah Kerr do?" I tend to use Audrey Hepburn.

Deb said...

Great post! Often, I see women who simply don't have a clue as to how they present themselves. One doens't have to be rich to be well groomed. Women have things "hanging out all over" when it is clearly not appropriate.

That covers the obvious part, appearance, but what about the language. I very rarely swear and if I do, it is certainly not in public. I've heard women swear as if they were truckers.

And it's not just foul language, who about those that blurt out the first thought that comes into their minds? Not everything is meant to be said outloud.


Jo said...

The Bug, Yes, Russell is a hoot...! :-)

Whitney, oh, yes, Audrey Hepburn was also gracious and elegant, wasn't she? And Grace Kelly too. One can only aspire... :-)

Deb, omigosh, yes! Sometimes people can be rather -- obtuse -- and just don't understand how they come across to other people sometimes.

Linda S. Socha said...

What a lovely post...Such a true thing....sometimes a bit hard to bring off but absolutely the thing to wish for!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I loved her, too. She was not only beautiful and classy, but a very good actress. I first saw her in "Tea and Sympathy," which was a shocking play for its time and effective mostly because of her natural elegance - most other movie stars in the role would have simply been slutty.

I also wonder sometimes what Audrey Hepburn would do. I think that she, too, would probably avoid saying anything to those loved ones that could be construed as judgmental while hoping they come to their senses soon. And then she would pick up their pieces with a warm hug and help them get on with it.

From now on, I am going to ask myself "What would Jo do?"

Jo said...

Linda, yes, we have to walk a fine line and not be judgmental of other people, don't we?

Hearts, *heh* And yes, I think sometimes people can get a bit overly-silly, without realizing they're doing it. It's the difference between women like Deborah Kerr, Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn, and say ... Minnie Pearl? I like that idea of giving them a warm hug and helping them get on with it.

lovelyprism said...

Movie Stars are an entirely different entity than today's celebrities. I wish we still had classy, beautiful women like Debra Kerr in the spotlight.

Russell... Oh my! lol

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