Thursday, February 26, 2009

Things I Learned In Class Today

Today in class I learned the concept of "down", "up" and "expensive". You all remember when my toilet roll thingmajig went down the toilet. For some reason I thought it might have been washed out to sea, or wherever things go when they go down the toilet. Apparently more than 700 million litres of nearly raw sewage and industrial effluent is discharged every day into local waters around Greater Vancouver. I assumed my toilet roll holder would be one of them. But, no -- it got caught in the toilet.

Today the plumber retrieved it up from the trap in the toilet, and today I learned why he drives a brand new BMW, and I take public transit. You are looking at the most expensive toilet roll thingmajig I have ever owned. After being sterilized with boiling water and bleach, it is now back in service on the toilet roll.

I also learned a new color today -- tie-dye magenta. You get this color by putting a maroon towel into a washing machine with a new, white, very expensive natural fiber towel from Daniadown. Accidentally.

I also learned today that the instructions for installing a toilet seat -- you know, the ones on the package -- are not the same as the actual toilet seat in the package, with the nuts and bolts and washers. Not even close. How can anything so simple be so complicated? I might have learned some new swear words today too.

And last of all, I learned today that I am allergic to cream of garlic and spinach soup. Thank God my toilet is fixed.

27 comments:

Andrea said...

I have "replace toilet seat in guest bathroom" on my list of things to do this weekend. Replacing the toilet seat is kind of like childbirth - you forget how painful it is after awhile and wind up doing it again! I usually stand in front of the selection at Home Depot contemplating whether my seat is oval or round (the toilet seat that is). I can never remember!

Johnnny said...

Cream of garlic and spinach, eh? That sounds dangerous. I also like that your toilet incident helped you to increase your vocabulary. Once I asked my dad (while I was his caregiver because he had dementia) what language he would like to learn, if he was going to learn a new language. His response, without hesitation, was: Profanity! More later, from Johnnny in Fargo.

Lorna said...

Jo, what a coincidence. On Tuesday night my upstairs guest toilet overflowed. The plumber is coming tomorrow morning to make sure it never happens again.

All the towels I used on that floor are now washed and dried.

Lorna

Ruby Isabella said...

The purpose of life is to learn. So you had a good day.

introspection said...

Pardon me for having a good laugh at everything that I just read. The post and the comments.....!
It seems 'Toilet Seats' is the new media (blog in our case) focus, after recession.
Tie & dye magenta, - the new color made me laugh too. BTW I keep mixing these clors in my washer all the time; as a result my husband's undershirts range from pale pink, brown, black and yellow to anything but all in patches - tie & dye types.
Coming back to toilet seats: has anyone installed a raised seat..? I had one installed recently to increase the height (as I have a patient in the family), and it has been fixed with velcro.
I am curious to read more comments on this post; as I am sure there will be many interesting ones.
Jo, your search for a plumber ended at a high note - A plumber with a BMW...!

Hilary said...

This is my new favourite post of yours. You tied everything in so well and though I know it sure was a lousy day for you, it came across as very entertaining. I'll bet you feel flushed. ;)

introspection said...

did I already send my comment..?

introspection said...

I think my laptop is acting up. I dont know how my comments got sent. but it's ok.
I have just posted a new post on relationship 'Minu's relationship' pls vist and comment if you find time. thx.

Firefly said...

You are neve too old to learn. LOL. I need a new toilet seat installed. Seeing that you are now qualified, can I call on you? One day you may drive an expensive car thanks to your plumbing skills. LOL even more.

ivan@creaativewriting.ca said...

Stalagmites and stalactites in a cave.

Could neve figure it out. There is a shorthand among spelunkers. Mites go down, tights go up? Tights go down, mites go up?
A lady should be careful doing her toilet.

Linda S. Socha said...

This is a riot...very funny. Alas I must confess I can actually relate. I am sorry to be able to say that!
Great post
Linda

A human kind of human said...

Ha-ha-ha, He-he-he. Oh Jo, I love you and what your posts do to my life!

KathyB. said...

Toilets, can't live with em' or without em'! They are always something to be dealt with no matter how beautiful or functional and downright necessary they are. But I am Sooooooooooo thankful for toilets!

I ate too many crab puffs and too much shrimp this weekend and discovered I am allergic to them....darn! So yes, a toilet is a handy, dandy thing to have, isn't it?

Butler and Bagman said...

When I was 12 I got a book for Christmas entitled, "How things work" and I was fascinated to learn how a toilet works. Unfortunately that early knowledge let to 50 years of being the "expert." My least favorite words are called out regularly - "Mark! The toilet is (leaking, dripping, stopped up, making funny noises) again!"

Hannah said...

Hi,
New here.:) What, no pictures of your "accidental" new coloured magenta towel? ;)

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Thanks for the laugh at your expense. Buy some dye and fix the towels, keep the toilet paper roller out of the toilet and tomorrow will a better day.

Carla said...

Too funny!!! I love your sense of humor. And BTW, I've learned to always throw in one or two dye sheets when I do my laundry. Shout Color Catcher is the brand I prefer.

Mclndesm said...

Oh the woes of indoor plumbing!!! I was a little disturbed about the sewage going into the ocean. It must go thru a water treatment plant,no? I live in a farmhouse that is over 150 years old and for the first 6-7 years we had a septic tank (as did everyone else in our little village) and I won't tell you the things that I became well versed in due to our septic system. Fortunately we are now hooked up to town water.
Jo, you tell a story in such a way that one can go along with you and that is a gift.
It is definitely the basic things in life that prove fundemental. When we have intense thunderstorms in NJ (which I love!)the bathtub and water containers get filled up because we lose power often and boy do I appreciate having electricity when it comes back!

XUP said...

Bwah-ha-ha... allergic...thank god your toilet is fixed...(zing). This was such a pithy, top-notch delivery post (BMW/public transit). Very well constructed. I love it.

bearbear said...

I LOVE the comment about the plumber driving a BMW! ha! I love your sense of humor.

Donnetta Lee said...

Well, it wasn't a boring day. And your vocabulary has been enriched. And now you have a pot to p**s in! Can't get much better than that! D

Lover of Life said...

When our children were small we kept having to plunge the toilet. It went way beyond the problem with just too much toilet paper that children often use. So one day my husband just took the whole thing apart right down to the hole in the floor - there was the problem. A piano wedged in crosswise! We are the only people we know who have had a piano in the toilet.

Hope you have a much better weekend!

Leslie: said...

And how does one replace the toilet seat when the original one's screw thingmajigs are stripped and won't come off??? ERG!

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Ah, but when the Super bends over to fix the bolts.
First crack of revelation!

Arley said...

Wow Jo, you really wern't having a good day were you...I'm so sorry, but look on the bright side, you made a lot of other peoples' day more amusing!

Polly said...

Shame about a soup, sounds nice... not sure about the toilet thingymajig story but am intrigued and will definietly be checking to archives to find out how on earth did you get it down the toilet in the first place. Fascinating!

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