Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Divine Punishment

This is something that perhaps only women can fully appreciate -- but I think there should be a special place in the ninth circle of h*ll for people who piddle on the toilet seat and don't wipe it up after themselves. Also, if I could, I would create a tenth circle in h*ll for folks who sit down beside me on the bus and proceed to sneeze and sneeze and sneeze -- and cough -- and sneeze ... sans Kleenex. And while I'm at it -- special punishment should be reserved for people who enthusiastically dig the sleep out of their eyes, or the wax out of their ears, and then stick their hand into the shared cookie tin at work. And finally, there is no punishment in the ninth circle of h*ll severe enough for people who blow their nose at the lunch table and then place the well-used Kleenex in the middle of the table for everyone else to enjoy. You don't do any of these things -- do you?!

When they arrive before the precipice,
There are the shrieks, the plaints, and the laments,
There they blaspheme the puissance divine.

I understood that unto such a torment
The carnal malefactors were condemned,
Who reason subjugate to appetite.


Inferno, Canto V ... Dante Alighieri

Oh, I am wicked...

31 comments:

Andrea said...

I'm right there with you on this one! What are people thinking when they take care of bodily needs in public? I guess they're not thinking. Please add picking their teeth after a meal to your list - even sans toothpick!

Jo said...

Andrea, oh, gawd, yes! They whip out the toothpick or the dental floss right there! Oh goodness. :-)

Rachael said...

I'll get on board for those punishments! Also... for the girl at work who takes her shoes off and rubs her smelly, non-manicured feet at work! I'm with Andrea, what are these people thinking??

Mary Ellen said...

Nope, don't do any of those things. I do, however, avoid all "public" food dishes that are on display in an office, bar, or restaurant. The thought of using a Kleenex and putting it on a table after using it? YUCK! I taught my kids not to do that when they were toddlers!

I rarely take public transportation, but have been stuck next to sniffler's and sneezer s on flights I've taken before and that's bad...but sitting next to a silent farter on a plane is worse than anything I've ever experienced. UGH!

Linda S. Socha said...

You are too funny! I have to admit some of these same things drive me to the brink!

I have honestly never understood why some people think it is ok to let it all......literally....hang out.! At times, I know the adults who participate in this lack or courtesy...and I know their parents did provide more training than they are now showing!


A day for pet peeves!
Linda

Marcella said...

Gee, someone has really got your bristles up today haven't they? Hope those whom you know who have offended you read your blog. Maybe it will improve their manners. Unfortunately I come within one of the offences. I have a chronic lung condition which means that sometimes it is impossible not to cough. It embarresses me no end and sounds like I have some awful contagious disease, which is not the case. I have never smoked either, to cause the problem. I do however, cover my mouth and apologise if I get the fearful look. I even get annoyed if someone offers me a glass of water, though the thought is appreciated. Hope I don't rot in hell. As for the careless, inconsiderate slobs, I'm all with you.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

I will not make further comment without the presence of my lawyer.

Alissa said...

Back when I was a children's librarian, I can recall on more than one occasion being tempted to hand a nice and cheerful "manners" book to a grown-up who had obviously forgotten or never learned those oh-so-important lessons. Some days were worse than others in dealing with the unmannered sorts.

Mean Mama said...

I had to crack up at Lone Grey Squirrel! If anyone puts their hands in public food they should remember these behaviors and always remember that at a bar, the men at the counter who use the restroom and then go back to the bowl of peanuts CANNOT BE TRUSTED.

Leslie: said...

That's why I won't use the public library. Who knows what that blob or stain is on the page! ICK!!!

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Public food trays are out for me. I can tell you without reservation that most men DO NOT wash their hands after attending to their business in the bathroom. I put out three times as many paper towels in the ladies room as the men. The hand soap will last three times as long in the men's room. I sometimes wonder that we even need a sink in there! I don't want to contract an STD from chips.......

Starlene said...

Oh, how I love Dante. And how I love your enthusiasm for punishment of all those nasty things. That toilet thing especially irks me.

TC said...

OK, I'm thoroughly grossed out now! I will admit I bought a cake from a charity bake sale from people I work with BUT I asked who baked it before I bought it, if it had been someone nasty I wouldn't have bought it, another thing to think about!

Hilary said...

I'm not sure if the subject matter of this post is ickier to read last thing at night.. or first thing in the morning. I'll blow my nose while I ponder it. ;)

tinkerbell the bipolar faery said...

Ick. How about those people that cough or sneeze into their hands and then touch the hand rails/poles in the bus and/or skytrain? And ... people that spit on the sidewalk?! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Rose said...

*wipes away tears of laughter*
Oh Jo, that was priceless.

Yes, the piddlers are by far the worst. Especially when you're at a house party and you need to use the loo with the utmost urgency. 'Pissed Off' doesn't quite say it.

the walking man said...

Maybe if manners were taught them b Charon before he agrees to their passage across the Styx they would avoid the deeper recesses of hell.

mo'ikeha said...

Mens sana in corpore sano.
(A healthy spirit lives within a healthy body.)
Eventhough 'male' please allow me to say, that I do take care of what I 'leave', both in public and home. Neverthess, found your entry very realistic and important to voice!

Katy said...

I have been thinking about a "gross things people do at work" blog.

Twice last week at work I found myself in the bathroom standing next to someone who was brushing their teeth and spitting the tooth paste into the sink. GROSS!!!!

Chew on a breath mint or something.

Amor said...

Someone's really stupid to do such uncivilized things! Damn! I hate holding door knobs on public places. I hate the Kleenex part! So gross!!!

lovelyprism said...

LOL... some people just don't know how to behave properly in public. I'm a bit of a germophobe so those people really freak me out.

Dee said...

Add salad bars to the list and those who "contaminate" the food. And especially parents who allow their kids to serve themselves!This is a public health problem, in my opinion.

Glennis said...

All those things are really annoying and just plain yuk.

Paula Slade said...

You are not wicked Jo, just very observant, and I happen to totally agree with you!! I shake my head in disbelief when such discourtesies come up in daily life.

pranksygang said...

oh god..you are very hilarious..

i swear i'm nothing of this type! even i hate these kinda things.. and pls do add one more thing..

"people digging their nose in front of others" i dunno how they can do this shamelessly!

Forgotten Katalyst said...

I am totally with you on the piddlers, but even worse than the male offenders are the WOMEN! Why on earth can women not sit down to do their business? Why must they hover over the seat peeing everywhere? I don't get it and it totally grosses me out.

Pouty Lips said...

While we're at it, what about the girl who comes to work and clips her finger nails? Or the one who files her nails and brushes the dust all over her pants? Icky. I'm sitting here reading your blog... Lovin' it.

Kate said...

Not to defend any disgusting habits, I thought I would point out to you that I have noticed sometimes a splash happens while flushing, especially with automatic flushers lately. So, sometimes, no one has actually piddled, it just splashed up some (hopefully water) while flushing.

I am travelling right now, and have been to Asia, North Africa and now Turkey, and I can tell you, I'm just grateful when there IS a toilet seat at all. Some of the alternatives would not please you.

And another thing came to mind when I read your post. In Bali, we came across a sign on our toilet graphically demonstrating how you are NOT supposed to SQUAT on TOP of the toilet! hahaha. Be glad how clean you have it!

K

Kate said...

Not to defend any disgusting habits, I thought I would point out to you that I have noticed sometimes a splash happens while flushing, especially with automatic flushers lately. So, sometimes, no one has actually piddled, it just splashed up some (hopefully water) while flushing.

I am travelling right now, and have been to Asia, North Africa and now Turkey, and I can tell you, I'm just grateful when there IS a toilet seat at all. Some of the alternatives would not please you.

And another thing came to mind when I read your post. In Bali, we came across a sign on our toilet graphically demonstrating how you are NOT supposed to SQUAT on TOP of the toilet! hahaha. Be glad how clean you have it!

K

Deedee said...

Oddly enough, I've never been in the presence of anyone who does these things (thank heaven!), except for the toilet seat thing, which is yuck, and I never sit on public ones for just that reason. Spitting is really what annoys the heck out of me. And Kathy is correct...two thirds of men do not wash their hands after using the bathroom... my office used to be near the men's wash room and the flush of the john was only very rarely followed by the water running in the sink.

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